Can Scene Girls Be Fat? Is Obesity Sexy For Emo Boys?
Previously as a rule, Scene Girls had to be stick thin in order to be accepted into mainstream society.
These days a lot has changed. Thinness is now considered to be a symptom of conformity is now frowned upon in Emo circles. Obesity is the new thin in scene! If you walk past any McDonalds or Burger King right now you’ll see hundreds of Emo Scene Girls in there wolfing down as much junk food down their necks as they possibly can.
It’s a terrifying phenomona! Especially since fat scene girls are now mindlessly attacking thinner Emo Girls in the street for revenge. It’s not uncommon to see a fat scene girl sitting on an anorexic Emo Chick’s chest in an attempt to suffocate her.
Emo Boys generally couldn’t be happier at this outcome. Men generally like women with curves!
No Comments »The Emo Bucket Forums Are A Refuge For Terrorists
Forget Al-Queda, The Emo Bucket forums are rife with would be terrorists! I’ve had 3 separate death threats from people originating from this training ground of hate over the past week.
Emo Bucket? More like Vomit Bucket!
Fuck knows what goes on over there! It seriously can’t be healthy. I’m guessing that they have private forums where they teach their brainwashed minions on how to slice a prep’s head off with a razor blade without letting them scream.
Either way Emo Bucket is the worst website on the internetz. Even though this is an anti-Emo website, it is factually accurate and has a frankly glorious design making it perhaps the best blog on the planet.
Emo Bucket will forever be Mecca for brainwashed, conformist Emos out to spread their fascist campaign of hate against the Masses. If you’ve come here from Emo Bucket, you’re not welcome. Please go back to that piece of shit now. You’re unfit to even stare at this blog. Go now. Shoe!
No Comments »Do Emos Have A Religion? What Do Emos Believe?
Emos are godless Atheists who support fascist regimes, public floggings and the death penalty. They despise everything that is just and Good in the world.
They do not believe in anything but themselves. They are their own Gods.
Church for an Emo is their bedroom. Here they will perform all sorts of depravities to appease the collective wraths of the Emo figureheads (i.e. Gerald Way and Peter Werntz).
Emo’s become violent if other people refuse to worship them as a God like figure. This is why so many of them cut. They can’t see that they are basically just ignorant slobs with no lives and believe wholeheartedly that people in the mainstream should be worshipping them instead of Our Lord Jesus Christ.
If you see an Emo praying to himself in the street, feel free to fart in his face as a way of showing him that God disapproves.
5 Comments »Every Time You Masturbate God Kills An Emo Kid
This is a big fib!
The rumor was created by Satanist’s in order to try to promote masturbation amongst heavy metal fans. The idea was that Satanic metallers would dedicate even more time to jerking off, in exchange for God killing an Emo Kid at will.
If this was true there would be no Emo Kid’s left on the planet as masturbation is such a prevalent social ill in modern culture.
Think about it! Emo Bands like ‘My Chemical Romance’ have written entire albums dedicated to ‘waxing the carrot’. Why would they promote masturbation if they knew God would kill off their fanbase once their fans started abusing their bodies in this way? It makes no sense whatsoever.
Although God does not kill an Emo kid everytime you jack off, the whole seedy process makes Him irate. Instead of masturbating, try praising our Lord by preaching to Sinners in the street. You’ll be awarded a place in Heaven for your efforts!
No Comments »How To Be An Emo Even If You’re Fat
Buy bigger clothes.
Don’t be ashamed of who you are.
Attack skinny emo chicks for hating on you.
You have every right to be Emo and fat. You’ve something to be genuinely upset about. Most think emo girls are spoilt daddy girl’s who cry when they aren’t allowed a new car. As a fat girl you must deal with being stigmatised and humiliated by every corner of society.
As a fat Emo Girl you should be expressing yourself in the most insane ways possible. Instead of cutting yourself you should run into Subway, buy a footlong Italian B.M.T. before attempting to hold up the restaurant if they refuse to give you all of the cookies behind the counter.
You should be running up to anorexic Emo chicks ramming food into their mouths. You’ll be doing the world a great service as less anorexic girls will be dying and the Emo Scene won’t receive such strong criticism from the media.
4 Comments »Emo Poem - I Hate Myself
I hate myself around the clock
Sometimes I wonder -
why do I have a cock?
When it’ll only end up falling off in end.
This is driving me around the bend!
I sit here crying into a cup of coffee
Just pulled out a filling with some toffee.
I hate myself and I want to tie -
My genitals to an aeroplane in the sky.
Flying across the world like a sex God.
Oh - please say a prayer for my severed Rod.
I hate myself and I want to die.
I want to stick a needle in my eye.
Watch the blood seep out.
Squealing through my snout.
Like a pig with a severed tail.
It totally fucking sucks being male.
My Emo Daughter Hates Me, Her Mother!
If you’re the mother of an Emo daughter then you must take a hardline approach when raising her. If she’s starting to become interested in boys then ensure that she isn’t in contact with Emo Guys otherwise they are likely to impregnant her and her life will be over.
If you hear her listening to any Emo Music then feel free to burst into her room and begin smashing up her speaker system and CD’s with a hammer. Don’t stop until you’ve destroyed everything in her room. Children must learn to respect their elders otherwise they’ll end up as deadbeat hippies, popping pills and booze until they head erupts.
Emos are especially vulnerable to becoming involves in prostitution, drugs and illegal hen fighting rings, simply because they are weak-minded fools who’d believe anything anyone told them.
1 Comment »Why Do Emo Kids Hate Their Parents?
Emo Kids hate their parents because they hate everything!
They hate the idea of being controlled, they’d much rather do the controlling, forcing their friends into adopting ridiculous hairstyles and listening to most god awful bollocks on the planet.
They despise authority because it reminds them of how powerless they really are. Emos bask in having an illusion of grandeur. They can’t wait until the day they rule the world and are forcing ‘conformists’ to live in cages in zoos.
It’s disgusting how much shit Emo Kids give their parents. They don’t seem to realise that they only get one set of parents in their life. They take so much for granted it’s not funny.
It’s their parnts fault for spoiling them so much. These people should have reared their children to be proper Christians, by constantly grounding them and forcing them to attend Bible Camp every year.
4 Comments »Why Does Russia Hate Emos?
The simple answer is that the Russian Goverment sees Emo are a threat against it’s one party state mentality. Emo’s are much like Communists in that they have one track minds and are constantly looking to destroy and control anyone their perceive to be their enemy.
So I can understand why Russia wants to make Emo music illegal. If I had my say I’d make it illegal in America too, simply because it has a really poisonious effect on society. These young Emo’s hate God and would love to see the destruction of the Christian Church in their lifetime.
We should work closer with our Russian friends to dream up a solution to Emoness. Perhaps we could send them all to live on Britain were they can abuse their bodies to their heart’s content without anyone batting an eyelid.
1 Comment »Do Emo Self Harm Scars Make Emo People Ugly?
I guess it depends how badly you cut yourself and whereabouts on your body.
Obviously if you slice your face to bits then it’s safe to say that you won’t exactly be pretty looking. However on the flip side, if you simply cut yourself on your arms then it won’t make much difference. Unless you’ve been hacking away at them for ages as was the case with King Emo, Richey James Edwards of the Manic Street Preachers.
The best option is to refrain from cutting altogether. Instead of slicing your arm to ribbons why not stick your head in the fridge and close your head on the door?
I guess it also depends on what words or shapes you cut into your body. I knew an emo girl who used to cut a list of what she had for breakfast into her arm every morning. Fortunately she rarely eat which minimised the damage!
No Comments »Emo Kid Help - How To Make Your Bedroom Look Emo Without Any Money
As an emo you need to show the world that you’re not a conformist. There is no better to show the world that you’re Emo by decorating your room to convey this.
Listed below are a few tips that’ll help you achieve an Emo bedroom.
- Be sure to bring any roadkill you find home and pin it on your walls. Leave it until the carcasses begin to rot.
- Write thrilling Emo Sayings like “I wanna kill myself”, “Live sucks more than a hooker” and “What’s the point in any of this” all over your wall in marker pen. If you can’t afford marker pens, then it’s safe to use your own blood (but only in small dabs).
- Ask Mother to fit a white carpet into your room. Why? Well any visitors need to see the blood stains that have seeped into the carpet from all of the years of cutting. You’ll then be able to reminicence about when and why you cut for hours on end.
- Install razor wire all over the room. Mount broken glass shards at random points in your bed. Adopt a pet vulture and coat yourself in ham before letting it out at night. Close all windows.
- If you’re strapped for cash you could decorate your room by just cutting holes into the wall randomly.
How To Cope With Preps and Jocks Hating You Because You Are An Emo Kid
The easy answer is to stop caring.
If people are giving you bullshit, give them bullshit back. If they knock the crap out of you, be sure to get your revenge in other ways, like defecating in their locker or mailing them turds in the posts.
Remember that later in life Preps and Jocks will amount to nothing. They might seem like they’re uber cool now but they’ll grow up to be total losers with about 150 hateful children.
As an Emo you will quickly develop a personality as it’ll be your own means of expressing yourself. You’ll have to try hard to make something of yourself especially if success doesn’t come easy to you.
In short, in 10 years time people will want to talk to you whereas they won’t wanna talk to the jocks who will most likely be alcoholics, prepping up the bar at the local strip club, hassling crack whores for free lap dances.
No Comments »How To Make An Emo Boy Horny
As an Emo chick there are many ways that you can make an Emo Boy aroused. Here are a few of the best options.
- Mail him your dirty underwear and force him to sniff it, otherwise you’ll beat his crap in.
- Learn to recite the entire lyrics of the ‘Welcome To The Black Parade’ album in one sitting. After you’ve finished this, smash yourself over the head with a glass vase and scream “We’re all doomed!”
- Dress up as his late grandmother and make unintelligible sexual threats towards him. If he fails to make a sexual advance towards you, smash everything in his room up. Put his credit cards through the shredder. Take a dump in his Xbox. Cut up his beloved family photos.
- Tell him that you’re really a transexual and that you still have all of your man bits left in tact. Since all Emo Men are gay, he’ll be utterly compelled by this revelation and will lust for your horn, like a mouse lusts for cheese.
- Bite your own tongue off and throw it at him like a tiny parcel of mince meat.
How To Dress Emo Scene In A Catholic School
The only way to be Emo in a Catholic School is to dress like a nun, especially if you are male.
As a male nun you will avoid being detected by everyone, including your class mates and teachers alike. This is especially true if you wear your nun costume at all times and manage to restrain yourself from pulling your underwear down at random intervals.
Be sure to wear as much eyeliner as humanly possible. If anyone asks you to remove the makeup, tell them that Jesus made you do it and that if you were to remove it then Jesus would kick your ass when you finally reach Hell.
The best way to have fun as an Emo in Catholic School is to be overtly sexual. Call all of the priests “sexy chops”. Tell everyone that “Jesus looks like one Hell of a sexy hunk” and that “Mother Theresa makes my loins sweat like grease dropping off of a pork chop.”
No Comments »Emo Kids Cry Even Why They Kiss
It amazes me how depressed some Emo kids are.
Not only do they cut their arms to ribbons for cheap kicks, but they also cry more than it rains in Manchester, England even when they are having a good time!
I knew this guy who would cry when he kissed girls and he wasn’t even gay. It turns out that he cried when he was even remotely happy just to mislead people. He knew that if his Emo friends found out that he was actually truly happy then he’d be expelled forever from the Emo group.
It’s ridiculous! These same people claim that they’re being themselves when in fact they’re just being a slave to another mindless stereotype.
2 Comments »Can I Still Be Emo If I Don’t Play The Guitar And Am Totally Talentless
In order to be a proper Emo, you mustn’t be able to play the Guitar.
Why? Well no Emo bands can play guitar properly. Have you actually listened to any of My Chemical Romance’s songs? Even Stephen Hawking could play guitar better than Ray Toro.
If you’re thinking of starting an Emo rock band the worst thing you can do is take guitar lessons. Learn it yourself when your blind drunk and if anyone criticises your technique, urinate in their direction.
Remember, it’s not about actually being talented, it’s all about looking good and injecting your pain into the lives of your teenage fanbase. Instead of practising chords, practice your most demented sex faces in the mirror. The Emo Girls will love you all the more for it further down the line!
Start writing songs even if you’re illiterate. It’s worked for years for Pete Wentz and now he’s the richest Emo on the planet. You can achieve this level of popularity if you just stay talentless. It’s easy if you try.
1 Comment »Can Emo Kids Be Muscular?
As a rule, no they can’t.
In order to be Emo you must be either seriously underweight or obese. If you have a toned body then you have nothing to be sad about. Only guys with ribs hanging out or guys who have man breasts are fit to inherit the kingdom of Emo Heaven.
If you’re an Emo and you’re becoming too muscular then stop going to the gym immediately and start on a high fat diet. Otherwise stop eating altogether. It’s one or the other, folks.
Most Emo Girls are repulsed by muscles as they believe only Jocks should have them.
If you want to stay muscular and realise deep inside that the Emo Lifestyle is retarded then stop being Emo and join the army.
We need more young, patriotic Americans to fight the war on Terror abroad. Emo’s are no use to anyone as the only people they fight are themselves.
1 Comment »Beating Up An Emo Kid Is Not Funny. It’s Evil, Sad and it Sucks.
If you think beating up Emo kids is funny, then you’re mentally deranged.
If you truly hate Emos then the only option is to stay as far away from them as possible. When you kick the hell out of an Emo Kid, he won’t stop being Emo over-night. By the next morning he’ll be even more devout.
He’ll likely start an Emo Band and write a song about the night you kicked his head in. It’ll go to #1 on the Billboard Top 100 and you’ll be to blame for introducing even more of this Emo shit into the world.
Then you’ll be due a beating by the thought police!
If you must beat up anyone, then track down the God Hates Fags brigade, steal one of their signs and start slapping Fred Phelps Snr repeatedly over the head with it until you knock some sense into him.
Otherwise just leave Emos alone. They get enough crap from their peers let alone from anyone else!
3 Comments »Am I A Gay Emo Kid? I Think Emo Guys Are Hot!
Yes, you are Gay.
Now it’s time to come out of the closet and announce your conversion to all of your friends.
If you live in Alabama, be sure to wait until your Father has dropped anything that could be used a weapon before announcing your homosexuality otherwise you’re likely to receive a knife in the head in Jesus’s name.
Be who you are. Explore your sexuality. Start trying on your Mother’s clothing in public and walk to the Mall in her sexiest threads. If you get any abuse from haters then blow them a kiss and if you’re feeling particularly festive run over to the cutest one and tickle his ass.
This will go down really well especially if the guy is a Jock as they are extremely open minded.
Unlike Emo people themselves who are little Fascists!
6 Comments »Why People Should Stop Hating Emo Kids.
Emos have been hated by society for too long. As hard as it is for me to admit, Emo’s aren’t worse than Hitler. They are simply mindless kids trying to find their identity by dressing like mascared scarecrows.
Emos are only out for the attention. If we didn’t complain about them then they’d simply go away.
It’s time we turned away from Emo abuse and focused on more important things like the Economy, Space Exploration and staring at Michelle Obama’s baps 24-7.
Once Emo’s realise that they will no longer gain our attention by cutting themselves in public and pissing openly in the streets then they’ll cease to be a problem to society. They’ll become good, law abiding citizens, only shopping for clothes in the ‘Banana Republic’.
So instead of dealing out hate in the streets the next time you see an Emo, hand them a Bible and a coupon entitling them to a free latte in Starbucks.
This is the only way we’ll win the war against Emo.
4 Comments »How To Turn Your Friends Emo.
It’s nearly impossible to convert a jock into an Emo, simply because they have too much sense. You only really have a chance of converting silly, weak people into Emos as they’ll subscribe to anything.
Anyway here are a few guidelines you might want to adhere to if you actually want to do something properly for the first time in your life
- Never play them any Emo records. This will put your would-be convert off immediately, especially if they a discerning taste in music. Wait until they are seriously depressed before you spring any of that shit on them
- Fart constantly in their direction. Farting will quickly dissolve your friends resolve and soon they’ll be naturally scrabbing at their arms looking for a way out.
- Delete and re-add them to Facebook constantly. Fuck with their heads as much as possible. Send them texts stating that you’re on the toilet taking a dump whilst having kinky sexual thoughts about them. Do anything you can to creep them out. An unsettled person is far more likely to become Emo.
Remember no matter how frustrated you become do not attack your convert with a razor without their permission. A person will only become Emo of their own free will.
No Comments »I’m An Emo Boy And Emo Scene Girls Hate Me Because I Cut Myself
If this is the case then stop cutting immediately. It’s not hard to do, especially if it’s just an annoying habit (which is the case for most Emos).
Please be aware that Gerard Way is lying to you when he says that you need to cut yourself in order to appear attractive to the opposite sex. To the contrary, Emo girls prefer emotionally stable guys rather than Emo guys who are absolute train wrecks.
Emo Girls are fucked up enough themselves and require some stability in their lives, not some whiny little bitch like yourself!
All that crap about Emo girls loving “sensitive” guys is a crock of bull. Grow a sack and get a six pack for God’s sake. No wonder the jocks are the only ones getting laid!
If you can’t stop cutting, see a therapist, or try to ease yourself out of the habit. Instead of cutting yourself 10 times tomorrow, try cutting 5 times. Or not at all.
Instead of physically injuring yourself you could opt for mental torture instead. Try imagining why Hilary Clinton looks like naked.
1 Comment »Annoying Emo Kids Should Be Seen And Not Heard.
Why do Emo kids have to be so God damn loud?
I remember queuing for a My Chemical Romance gig in New York for half an hour and I couldn’t believe how bloody annoying the fans were.
They kept shouting in my face in a hig- pitched screech and this was just the men! I felt like elbowing them in the face, but unlike Emos I’m not into violently assaulting anyone I don’t agree with.
I think it should be illegal for Emos to speak throughout the day unless they are in private. We could maybe grant them a few hours each day where they can converse openly.
We could electronically tag them and if they exceed a certain noise level then they should be forced to remain indoors for 3 months where they will be subjected to torture, akin to the “therapy” prescribed to Alex in “A Clockwork Orange”
1 Comment »Do Emo Scene Boys Masturbate?
No.
Why? Well it’s forbidden by the Cult of Emo. If an Emo Kid is caught jerking off by either Gerard Way or Pete Wentz then they’ll be expelled forever from the cult.
The idea is that Emo Boys are meant to remain chaste for homosexual relations with the Fathers of The Emo Movement.
How do they the Emo Fathers keep track of this? Well in order to be Emo you must have a Livejournal and update it at least 10 times a day with your every action. Gerard Way and Pete Wentz then check each Emos journal to see if they’ve been up to any naughtiness and if they have then the Emo is mmediately suspended from attending any of their concerts.
Their names will be displayed on a ‘Wall Of Shame’ and are likely to subject reprisal attacks from extremists within the Emo community.
It’s hard to believe but this is 100% truth.
7 Comments »Emo Girl Crying - How To Speak To Depressed Emo Chicks
If you see an Emo Girl crying in the street, your natural reaction will be to approach her and ask her what’s the matter.
Be sure to ignore your instincts otherwise you’ll likely receive a massive cut to the face. Most Emo girls trick innocent civilians into approaching them so that they can mindlessly attack them with a broken Vodka bottle.
If the Emo Girl is crying at a party she is still likely to deploy this tactic.
Remember, if you see a chick crying in public, call the emergency services and explain the situation to them. The police have been trained to deal with Emo girls and know how to negotiate with them without having their faces stabbed off by a broken bottle of Smirnoff.
Even if she doesn’t try to stab your face off, she’s likely to try to recite some garbage poem she’s just written. Stay well clear or be prepared to lose your mind.
No Comments »Can Emo Scene Girls Be Fat? Are They Sexy?
The answer is no, at least from hardline Emos who would like to remove obese people from their ranks indefinitely.
Whilst Emo Scene Girls pretend to be open-minded, most of their judgemental and depraved human beings .
I’ve seen Emo Scene Girls beating up on fat chicks simply because they are overweight. It’s not right and it’s not fair.
If they had their way they’d all Emo girls would be anorexic, living off a diet of cigarettes, vodka and lettuce.
It must stop now. I’d far rather be friends with a fat Emo Scene Girl than one of those spiritless skinny waifs who spends all days counting the number of scars on her arms whilst praying to Peter Wentz for Salvation.
Fat Emo Girls have soul whilst normal scene girls do not. It’s a scientific fact and if you disagree you know nothing about Emo.
4 Comments »Anxiety, Emo Kids And Cutting Yourself. Is The Emo Culture And Self Harm Linked?
Self Harm is a serious condition where sufferers deliberately injure themselves to allievate mental pain.
Emo’s however typically “injure” themselves just because Gerard Way tells them to do it.
This makes a mockery of an otherwise serious condition. Granted there are Emos who injure because of an underlying mental condition, but they are in the minority.
A “serious” Emo cutter will not display their wounds in public and will instead try to hide their injuries from everyone else by wearing less revealing clothing. Every other Emo “cutter” will run around town with their cuts on show screaming “Look at me! I’ve slit my wrists again! Someone plz get me to a hospital otherwise I’m gonna die lmao!”
If you are a parent of an Emo Cutter, then refer them to a psychiatrist immediately. They will be able to quickly tell whether your child is faking or not. It’s important not to make this decision yourself otherwise you could alienate your child even more.
If you’re scratching your forearms just to fit in with the MCRmy, then shame on you. You’re nothing but an idiotic conformist.
12 Comments »How To Date An Emo If You Are Not An Emo Kid.
Fancy becoming one with an Emo and you’re just a rotten prep? Well then, you have a task on your hands my friend! Since the Emo Scene is so incestious, they very rarely let outsiders like you into their ranks. There are a number of things that you can do to show that you are dedicated to becoming Emo but these aren’t guaranteed to work.
- Start by listening to “Welcome to the Black Parade” on repeat for 12 hours. After 8 hours your brain will implode, causing substantial loss of tissue meaning that you’ll be able to mindlessly listen to the dirge without wanting to scratch your eyes out.
- Tell the Emo Chick that you’re trying to bang that you’ve tried to kill yourself on 500 separate occasions. Do not go into the specifics of your attempts unless provoked as she won’t be impressed when you tell her that each attempt was simply crossing the road without looking.
- Try to convince her that she’ll be seen as more of an individual by her Emo peers if she dates a jock. If she is as shallow as most Emo girls, she’ll cave into this idea right away.
- You could always start dressing in black and drinking lots of vodka. This is a quickfire way to become Emo and to destroy your body / elite social standing.
- Stop going to the gym and instead spend all of your waking hours trying to gouge into your skin with an unravelled paper clip.
I Love Emo People. I Love Emo Girls, Emo Men. I Love You All!
I’ve enjoyed updating this website over this last 18 months. Ever since then I’ve been inundated with comments from Emos across the world annoyed with my relentless ranting. I just wanted to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all this. I love coming home from work with my inbox full of comments like “u suck, u dunno how it is 2b emo! if u had 2 walk in ma shoes……”. It’s hysterical. It’s made me realise that 95% of all Emo’s are either retarded or mentally ill. I receive the odd comment that makes me consider otherwise, but they are few and far between.
The real reason why I love Emo people is that you are all so silly. You spend all of your time trying to be different from everyone else but by doing so you’re conforming to the Emo stereotype. You are your own worst enemy. Nothing will ever change in your life until you say “No!” to the Emo way and live life to the full.
The first step to curing yourself is admitting that you have a problem. Most Emos won’t even admit they are Emo. Why is this? Are you really that ashamed of yourselves? Understandably you are. You conform to an ideology that promotes, self harm, immortality, chain smoking, alcoholism and suicide.
If Emos realised the full implication of their behavior they won’t stop immediately and turn into normal functioning members of society. This won’t happen however. Emo’s are too far gone. Truth be told, Emo’s have nothing but their Emoness. Their personality has long since been dissolved into the stereotype they’ve reinforced day in day out. In most cases, there is nothing left but a shell. A hopeless, depressed shell of a human who is obsessed with gouging themselves in the eyes with cuttlery.
If you’re Emo, please think very carefully about what I’ve just written. Do you wanna spend the next 50 years trying to dislodge that fork you’ve inserted into your eye?
2 Comments »Are You An Emo Kid Thinking Of Committing Suicide?
Don’t!
There’s much to live for. If you kill yourself now then you’ll never be able to listen to Fall Out Boy again. You’ll never experience true love. You’ll upset your family immeasurably. You’ll never meet Pete Wentz. You’ll never go to college and meet fascinating people from all over the world.
No matter how bad things might seem at the minute, they’ll get better. Unless you continue to drink copious amounts of vodka and listen to nothing but Fall Out Boy on repeat of course. So if you’re doing that, stop it now and live life to the full.
Try using the internet less. Try cutting less. Stop deliberately making a fool of yourself in school by dressing up like a zombie and closing your head in your own locker. Aim to be normal. Remember if you stand up like a nail, you’ll be knocked down. You must conform to society’s rules to exist within it!
You don’t have to shop at the Banana Republic for all of your clothes. You could just try to be less of a dork. Even if it’s just for a few days of the week. Stop wearing eyeliner to school if you’re a man. You’re obviously gonna be made fun of by all of the jocks if you do this. Remember, just because Peter Wentz wears eyeliner doesn’t make it acceptable. If anything the opposite is true!
2 Comments »Chasing Fat Emos Is The Most Hilarious Thing Ever
Whenever I see a fat Emo in the street I love to intimidate them by running at them. The fatter the Emo is the better. It’s brilliant just seeing them waddling away like a penguin, sweating and weeping furiously. In many cases they’ll become so upset that they’ll start slapping themselves around the head in order to cope with the stress. Since I have a heart I’ll back off if they become too distressed. But I’ll run at them even faster once they’ve composed themselves.
I reckon Emo Chasing should be an Olympic sport. Gerard Way could help make this a reality by forcing Emo fans into devouring fast quanities of cheese burgers and fried cheese. Once we have enough fat Emos, we could then line them up and run at them and the person that wins will be the one who makes the most Emo kids cry. Which obviously wouldn’t be too hard. It’d be like pushing over the old women in GTA IV.
If you haven’t already chased a fat Emo, give it a go today. Remember, don’t be cruel. If the Emo is in obvious distress, back off a little bit and be sure to signal your intentions by shouting something like “AM ONLY CHASING U, PLZ CONTINUE RUNNING MR/MRS FAT EMO!!!!!!!”
We need to make this a sport that both participants enjoy. It can’t be like fox hunting.
2 Comments »Emos Have Absolutely No Sense Of Humor
I’ve been writing in this blog for well over a year now and during this time it’s become crystal clear from all of your comments that most Emos don’t have a sense of humor. Sure there are some people who get it but most of you are here simply to be offended. You’re worse than Christians protesting at the opening of “Jesus Gets Donged In Hollywood” but still buying the ticket.
I’m tired of hearing the same bullshit comments over and over again about how I don’t understand Emo and that I’m sick and that I don’t understand your emotions. Well the last one is true. I don’t want to understand your emotions. I don’t care. No-one cares!
Your comments would be funny if there weren’t all the fucking same. Every day I have to sift through the same poorly written shit. I received this comment yesterday from “blah” and it’s representative of 99% of the dirt I receive.
"emo ppl laugh to. they are just like anyone else. btw you make me fucking sick."
If you had a sense of humor you wouldn’t be wasting your time commenting on this blog. You’d be outside actually doing something with your lives rather than surfing around anti-emo websites with a persecution complex worse than a month of Christians.
As for this shit about Emos being just like anyone else, well that’s absolute bullshit. Emos are out to dress differently because they have nothing better to do with their time. It’s either that or they just want an Emo Boyfriend/Girlfriend. Or perhaps they’re mentally retarded. Or a combination of all 3.
Either way I don’t care.
4 Comments »God Hates Emos. The Truth About Music and Religion.
This is something I’m asked quite regularly. Does God hate Emos? Well the answer is yes and no. He hates how Emos are destroying their bodies. By cutting themselves to ribbons with knives. By drinking themselves to death. By damaging their hearing whilst listening to Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance. Emos seem to forget that every time they cut themselves God feels the pain only it’s one hundred times more unbearable as He cannot intervene.
He hates how Emos have no respect for His Creation. He is particularly dispondent at Emos who urinate openly in public. He despises those who go to rock concerts and drink themselves to oblivion at the bar, before urinating openly in the streets. He hates it even more when Emos take dumps everywhere.
This is not a rare occurrence either. Emo bands are openly encouraging their fans to defecate in the street in order to fully express their individuality. This angers God to such an extent that if He were to observe an Emo doing this, he’d send them immediately to hell.
He disagrees totally with Emos and their approach to their sexuality. God requires us to stay faithful for life to a member of the opposite sex, whilst Emos are often involved in threesomes with members of the same sex.
In short, God hates Emos only if they hate Him and in most cases this is certainly the case.
12 Comments »Emo Kid Depression Is Incurable
For some Emos, depression is a way of life rather than an actual illness. The mere thought of being happy makes these people sick to the stomach. They’ll refuse to take their anti-depressants. They’ll watch weepy films where the old senile woman ends up shooting her 12 cats. They’ll listen to My Chemical Romance on repeat with no sense of irony.
Even if an Emo is feeling ecstatic, they’ll try their utmost to contain their emotions. In such situations they’ll harm themselves by kicking their own legs off, smashing their heads off or through television sets or slam their arms shut in car doors.
Unfortunately if you refuse to pay attention to the Emo, their attempts to gain your attention will grow ever more desperate. I’ve seen an Emo girl repeatedly stab herself in the tongue with a plastic fork. I had to wrestle her to the ground, grab the fork off her and call the police to report the incident.
She then preceded to collapse into a fit before her purse hit the ground and out dropped around 150 razors and some bloody Snoopy bandages. In a last ditch attempt to cause herself some serious harm, she rolled about on the ground, frantically trying to slice herself on the blades. It was pathetic. I’ve seen dogs high on speed more that have been more responsible and functional than her.
The bitch tried to take me to court for apparently “Violating her right to be miserable”. What sort of nonsense is this? I was trying to save her tongue. She could have put my eye out! What sort of retard tries to stab their own face out in public anyway with a plastic fork? It’s indescrible.
It’s a perfect example too of why Emo Depression won’t go away until the Emo abandons The Church Of Peter Wentz. Otherwise they are doomed forever.
8 Comments »Emo Kids Die Everyday - Stop Killing Yourselves. Life Is Worth Living.
It’s horrible to hear how Emo kids are taking their lives at an alarming rate these days. Whilst I’m not fond of the subculture, it’s a shame to see Emos kill themselves. It’s obviously just a phase they’re going through but some never manage to reach the end of the tunnel.
Whilst the Emo subculture should be mocked to an extent, Emo kids who are especially vulnerable should be left alone. You can tell an Emo kid is on the edge if they exhibit any of the following symptoms.
- Repeatedly calling grown adults who they aren’t related to “Mother?”
- Deliberately urinating and defecating in public. It should be a definite eye opener if they crap into their hand and sling it at people in the mall.
- Reclusiveness to the extent where they refuse to dress in the morning and walk about town in their grimy old underwear.
- A severe reluctance to wash. Whilst Emo and Hygiene don’t go hand in hand, suicidal Emos take it too far by never washing their hands after going to the toilet and deliberately announcing this once they return from the rest room.
- Suicidal Emo kids are famous for prank phone calling funeral parlours and announcing that they are already dead. Be sure to note down all the numbers of local companies providing this service and monitor the Emos telephone usage.
If you’re an Emo kid reading this, trust me that suicide isn’t worth it. You won’t get to see people weeping at your funeral as there’s nothing after death. Enjoy the life you have now and get out of the house once in a while. It’ll do you the world of good!
17 Comments »Emos Cry When They Hear Their Cellphone Run Out Of Power
I’ve seen this over and over again with Emos. Instead of recharging their cellphone like normal humans, they’ll let their phone’s battery run down low before even thinking about turning on the charger. They do this to pretend that their phone is “dying” and will weep and lament over the ’striken’ device as it beeps and beeps.
I’ve even seen Emos stage mock funerals for their phone after it’s ran out of power, instead of putting it back on the charger. I dunno whether this is idiotic or plain hilarious. Or both.
I love to goad Emos by saying things like “Is that your cellphone I hear bleeping? I think it’s dying y’know?” just to make them paranoid. Since Emo kids have absolutely no control over their emotions they’ll collapse to the floor and begin pounding their head off the ground, leaving behind a mess of teeth and tonsils. The normal thing would be to check your phone’s status to see if it’s true but Emos don’t care about rationality or truth. With Emos it’s all about emotion and venting as much frustration and pain at the world.
Remember if you see an Emo speaking on a cellphone to remind them that if they keep chatting so much on it that it will quickly die for good.
1 Comment »How To Tell Your Family You Are Emo
So you’re ready to come out of the Emo closet? Well then it’s time to get your crap together and prepare yourself for the worst. Especially if you life in Montana. Fortunately, these 5 tips will dramatically reduce the probability of your father hammering you to death with a jar full of Mayo just for being “one of those queers”.
- Tell your mother at the most sensitive moment possible, preferrably when she’s sitting on the toilet growling like a cat chewing on a plastic bag. She’ll be kindly receptive of your news.
- Run into your crowded dinner area with your arm covered in red lipstick screaming “Mom! Dad! I’m bleeding to death!”. When they realise that you’re only joking, tell them that you are actually Emo and they’ll just be relieved that you haven’t actually cut yourself to ribbons.
- If your family is religious, tell them about your conversion to the way of Emo just before Church. Tell them that you never intend on going to Church again because Jesus is an avid emo hater.
- The worst thing you can do is be subtle with your choice of lifestyle. Once you’re ready to tell the family about your new life, do it in style. If you’re a boy, buy a black bra and cut nipple holes out of it. Strip naked and then slap the bra on. Now color in your nipples with red lipstick and be sure that your boob ends are hanging out of the bra before charing towards your family wailing “Mama! Papa! Do ya like ma cherries?!!?!?”
- Leave your family obvious clues around the house. Why not paint your garage door with the word’s “GUESS WOT MOM I’M EMO LOLLERSKATES” in your own excrement.
Stop Hating Emos, Eh? They Have Emotions, Eh?
I’m inundated on a daily basis with pleas from Emos to stop hating on them. After all they are humans with emotions. Well! Who’d have thunk it. And I thought they Emo’s were robots from the planet Emoton out to rid the world of its sanity.
Let’s get this straight. I don’t hate Emos. I love them more than life itself. This is why I want to help out of their rut by showing them the errors of their ways. This is true love. If I can convert a single Emo into a normal human being I’ll be rewarded by our Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven for saving a soul. Not that all Emos are destined for hell, but a fair few are. Why? Well Jesus does not like men who dress like women. It saddens him to see so many give into alcohol and lust. Jesus just wants everyone to look and act like me.
I’ve been accused of being a prep all too often too. This is not true. I hate prep’s more than anything. Especially the one’s who abuse Emos. They make Emos even worse than they already are. Although it’s true that Emos are always searching for a reason to feel worse about themselves which is why they overeat, chain smoke and smash themselves around the face with hardbook editions of the Lord of the Rings .
So yes. I don’t hate Emos and I accept that they have emotions, no matter how shallow these emotions are in reality.
5 Comments »I’m Fucking Bored Of Everything And This Site Sucks
Emo rocks and I want Pete Wentz’s cock.
2 Comments »How To Be Emo Over Night. 24 Hours And You’ll Be Slicing Like Gerard Way!
Is there a really hot guy in school that you want to impress by turning Emo over night? Well then follow these tips and you’ll be well on your way to being Emo in 24 hours.
Don’t take any of these seriously unless you really want to be depressed.
- Lie in bed at night and think about your parents mortality. Think about your own mortality too and how nobody will likely show up at your funeral unless you stop picking your ass in public.
- Repeatedly smack your head off your bedroom window until you feel dizzy and in despair. If you repeat this process continually then the feelings of despair will gradually intensify until they are overwhelming. Be sure to stop short of actually smashing your head through the window otherwise you’ll end up slicing your god damn head off and then your parents will be totally mad too.
- Watch Forrest Gump on repeat and think about how Gump will be alone forever as no-one would be that desperate to sit on his noggan ever again. Think about how the kid will never have any friends and will be stabbed in the eyes with forks in school.
- Think about the very real threat of nuclear war and how it’s just a press of a button away. Even if you succeed in life, all of your hard work will be done by some asshats in the Middle East out to prove that their God is the one true God.
- Realize that there is no Heaven or God and that after death we sleep for eternity. You’ll never see any of your friends or pets again. You only have one life and that life in itself is likely to be extremely lousy. Either way you’re gonna lose.
- Even if you win over your Emo love in school they won’t love you for who you are. They’ll openly mock you behind your back to their scene friends about all of the “secrets” you’ve told him. Especially the one about you still crapping the bed regularly at 15.
How To Convert A Friend From Emo
It’s crap to see a friend turn Emo when you can see them wasting away before your eyes and cutting themselves with anything they can find in the street. There are sadly no surefire ways of deconverting an emo immediately as they are that brainwashed. However all hope is not lost! There are a number of things you can try to de convert your Emo.
- Lightly type them on the head with a hammer. I’m not suggesting a full on smack, rather a friendly tap as if you were trying to hammer in a small screw into a piece of wood.
- Record videos of the emo at their gloomiest and play them back to him when he is perfectly sober. There is a vague chance that they’ll have an epiphany and say something like “Shit, is that how I really act?”. Be sure to emphasise that this isn’t the worst of their behavior.
- Continually pay them compliments until their head explodes and they revert back to normality. Emo’s aren’t used to compliments so too many of them at once can overload their minds causing them to immediately turn their back on their old gloomy ways.
- Warn the Emo that everytime they cut themselves you’ll cut yourself too but only twice as deep. This will make the Emo consider their actions more deeply unless they are really selfish and just continue to cut anyway. Which will be how most Emos respond.
- Create a false expose on Gerard Way or Pete Wentz showing them up to be Nazi Symphaziers who hate gays, vote Republican and eat at McDonalds 50 times a week. If they don’t believe you then cram the report down their mouth and force them to eat it. Not because it’ll deconvert them, but because it would be hilarious.
It’s up to you as a friend of an Emo to deconvert them as quickly as possible. Our streets are already full to bursting with all of these miserable gits and we need to put a stop to them ASAP.
No Comments »Why Do Emos Bite Each Other?
This is seriously messed up crap. I keep seeing more and more Emos biting one another in public. It’s almost as if it’s some sort of bizarre mating ritual. I seen one guy hop on another Emo’s back before sinking his teeth into his neck and ripping out a huge amount of flesh. It was terrifying. But it seems to be becoming more and more commonplace and acceptable within Emo society. Neither of the retards would ring an ambulance either.
It wouldn’t be so bad if this was an isolated incident but it isn’t. Emo rockstars like My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy are openly supporting this kind of behavior.
In a recent interview with Kerrang, Way firmly stated
“We love to see our fans bite the hell out of one another. We’ll even include the pictures on our CD inlays if the people involved send them to us. Biting is so sexy and post-modern. It gives me a stonking erection. There’s nothing sexier apart from putting a bunch of push tacks on your chair and sitting down on them. Now that is heaven.”.
How messed up is that! Not only are My Chemical Romance pumping out utter shit music but they are actually encouraging vampirism amongst their fans. What’s he gonna say next? That he advocates teen pregnancy as long as you call the child “Holy Lord Lucifer II”?
I wouldn’t be surprised.
Anyway the easy explanation for this behavior is Emos do it because other Emos do it. It’s that simple. The craze was most likely started by some crazy, blabbering maniac who bit someone in the midst of a speed-induced frenzy. An emo was nearby to see this happening and thought “That’s cool! I’ll try that on Roger tomorrow!” and the rest is history.
If you see Emos biting each other in public, feel free to attack them with your shoes on sight. Much like in Iraq the greatest insult you can give an emo is by pelting them with your boots. Well it’s either that or calling them “jocks” on purpose.
26 Comments »Am I Too Old To Be Emo?
Am I too old to be emo?
This is the most common chatup line from crusty old metal heads who’ve just been seduced by an evil emo temptress. You are too old to be emo if you’re in your twenties or older. By that stage in life you should be looking to settle into society, find a lovely husband or wife, contribute money and time to the church and to definitely not be cutting yourself with razors wearing your mom’s silks.
If you’re in your mid 30’s and are still cutting, I’d seek immediate mental help. It’s maybe understandable if you’re currently suffering a breakdown but if you are considering emo as a viable life style choice when you are a bag of wrinkles, then it’s fucked up.
Old emo people should instead invest in as many cats as they can possibly afford to feed and retreat even further from society. Why not try prank calling all of the jocks who gave you such shit in school? Why not masturbate oven Tolkien until your gear is all pink and withered. Or alternatively you could remove your head from your ass and actually look for a job. Oh and you’re not a musician if you’ve just managed to nail the chords of “Cancer”. You’re a bloody mess that’s what you are.
So in summary if you’re over 20 and emo then the prognosis is grim. Grow up or face society shunning you for the rest of your pointless existence.
2 Comments »I Am More Emo Then You Are
This is something you’ll quite hear Emo’s say to one another when they’re hanging about towns in small groups. It’s the equivalent of jocks saying “I’ve got a bigger dick than you”.
When an Emo says this to another Emo it’s basically an invitation to war. It’s not unusual for the kids to compete with one another to hopelessly try to win the affections of any Emo girls around. The nature of these competitions can change depending on how depressed the Emos are. For example some kids might challenge their peers to a crying contest whilst others might opt for a more conventional cutting contest.
In the cutting contest the Emo kids will cut themselves over a huge basin, designed to catch any blood or tears that may come from the Emo. The winner of this contest is the kid with the highest proportion of tears to blood. A participant will be disqualified if they fail to let at least 10ml of blood.
Emo kids often compete in more conventional ways too. It’s particularly common for Emos to boast about their eclectic taste in music. In such a scenario the Emo will usually claim to love the work of a band they either a) haven’t heard any music of or b) privately despise but let on differently in public just to be seen to be cool.
Watching Emo kids compete is quite a headfuck because it makes you realise how pointless, shallow and samey their scene is. I wish instead of boasting about their musical tastes they’d compete on how quickly they can escape to some remote shed in Delaware and stay there. It’d save normal human beings a lot of hassle in the future!
1 Comment »How To Make An Emo Boy Break Up With You
So you’ve finally realised that Emo guys are dicks, huh? Ah well, we all have to learn the hard way sometimes.
Anyway here are some tips on how to hasten the breakup process.
- Explain to him that you’re not really a girl. But a man. With a big hairy schlong downstairs. If he’s bisexual he might be enthralled by this revelation. In such a situation you must warn him off by shaking your groin from side to side like an elephant shaking it’s trunk to get a monkey off. Make primitive chimp noises at him until he’s left the room
- Wipe your ass with his record collection everytime you use the bathroom. This might hurt for a bit but it’ll eventually upset him enough to cause a breakup.
- Tell your boyfriend that you’re leaving him to become a Nun in the Church. Since he’s likely to be a devout atheist he’ll turn his back on you and run.
- Ask him to pose naked in the most awkward way imaginable. Then take a picture of him on your cellphone, digitally edit it by superimposing the text “How’s about this for a wet weekend!?!!” over his genetilia before sending it to your entire address book. Be sure to include him on the send and point and laugh as he heads towards another breakdown when he reads the message.
- Tell him that you’ve only been pretending to be vegetarian and all of this time you’ve been asking for extra Meat on your sandwich at Subway. If this doesn’t kill your relationship, run into his kitchen and begin devouring all meat based products in the kitchen.
- If you’re invited to a family funeral make sure that you eat as much beans as you can the previous night before farting at the most sensitive moment in the funeral. “Yes Stephanie was a lovely woman….~huge fart~ What the holy fuck was that?”. Be sure to be sitting there beaming like a Cheshire Cat with your legs akimbo.
- Without warning one morning, grab his glasses straight off of his face and begin to stamp up and down on them.
- Make a pass at his grotesquely ugly Uncle before mentioning “Jesus you’re far better looking than that ugly piece of crap over there!”
How Do You Know If You’re Turning Emo?
This is a valid question that every teenager must ask himself now and again, particularly if your dog has just died and you’ve found there’s no doggie heaven. Crying after your dead dog on it’s own is not a sign that you’re turning emo. There are other more concrete signs that you must look for and I’ve listed them below.
- Have you recently started biting things for no apparent reason? Emos tend to enjoy chewing on furniture, park benches and plastic bottles. They do this to help cope with their overwhelming anxiety. If you’re displaying this behaviour then you may well have a problem.
- Do you lounge around the house in your underwear and cry when someone calls at the door or the telephone rings. Do you refuse to answer in either situation? Are you plagued by dreams of being touched up by a giant bunny rabbit dressed in a black cape?
- Have you ever caught yourself saying “I wish I could wash myself once and never have to do it again” or something vaguely similar. This is a surefire sign that you’re turning emo. Emos are more terrified of bathtime than cats.
- Are you extremely judgemental? Do you see homeless people in the street and feel like screaming “Deadbeat loser!” at them? Do you mock people who donate money to charities? Do you consider famine relief a tremendous waste of human resources when the money could be invested in a social scheme that provides teenagers with free alcohol? If you’ve answered yes to any of these, then there’s a good chance that you’re turning Emo.
- Have you noticed that your farts have started smelling like rhubarb? If this is the case, then you’re turning emo. Why? Well the rhubarby stench is all part of a complex chemical reaction that occurs when copious amounts of vodka, despair and charcoal meet in your digestive tract. If you were to watch a naked Emo fart you’d notice that a crimson red cloud flumes out of his buttocks like the demented spirit of a Red Deer.
- Do you spend 15 hours in front of the mirror every day, repeatedly smashing your fists against the glass just to show the world how pissed off that you look like the lovechild of Dumbledore and a vampire? Then my dear, you’re an Emo. Get used to it!
Why Emo Kids All Look The Same..
Emo kids always look the same because they have no minds.
They are 100% shallow. They are the bottom rung of society. They seek to persecute individuality by threatening to gouge extremely rude messages into one another’s foreheads if they have the audacity to stray from the herd. And by straying from the herd I mean something as simple as actually washing their hair once in a while, refusing to cut or wear black eyeliner.
Also, since emo kids generally are quite round in shape this tends to make them quite indistinguishable from one another. The fact that they’ll only ever engage in conversations with one another in hushed tones would suggest they share some common genetic mutation, which is probably a side affect of them jerking off whilst sitting on the microwave listening to Aiden for the past 3 years.
One of the most simple answers is that you like myself have grown to detest the very sight of Emos and treat them with the same measure of cynical apathy. Whilst dehumanising Emos can be fun, you can possibly go too far. If you’re threatening them with physical violence then you’re just asking for trouble. Then they’ll come to your house in the middle of the night and infest your house with bats. And whilst you’re sleeping they’ll curse you. And you’ll wake up with a massive horn sticking out of your forehead. This shit has happened in Kentucky before and it’ll happen again.
4 Comments »What Reasons Would A Kid Have To Be Emo?
This is one of the most common questions I’m asked by visitors to this site. The answer isn’t a simple one. There are millions of potential mini-answers that must be considered together for them to make sense.
- The kid may be extraordinary dim. The emo scene attracts dim teenagers towards it like bugs towards a light. If you suspect your kid is a dunce, do your utmost to keep him away from other emos. Teach him how to smile properly. That’ll often work wonders.
- He may well have crapped or pissed his pants at school a lot as a kid. Stuff like that can seriously impact a kids self esteem making them feel worthless and resorting to the emo way of life. If you suspect this is the cause, the next time you see the kid, jump out at the kid from behind a bush and scream “I know your dirty little secret!” before running to the hills.
- If your kid is emo, he could well be a devil worshipper. Emo is satanic in all of its forms. It’s been proven by many top colleges that My Chemical Romance records in particular are jammed pack full of Satanic messages, which will only encourage the child to turn away from Jesus and to move to Ireland. Once on the Emerald Isle he’ll join the nearest Satanic sect and will begin to urinate on churches. The only way to prevent this is a proactive exorcism. If you ring Franklin Graham’s people I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to oblige with the procedure.
- The kid may just be a dick. The planet is full of dicks, so it’s entirely plausible that this is the answer. It’s a well known fact that all Fall Out Boy fans are dicks. Any non-dicks are refused entry to their concerts.
- Perhaps he’s not being fed enough. Some emos have this ridiculous idea that they are vegetarian. It’s absolute bullcrap. If this emo is living under your house you must force him into carnivorism. Take him into McDonalds and buy him 2 Big Macs and threaten to lock him in the toilets if he refuses to finish both of the burgers by the time you are back.
How To Be Emo Without Scaring Your Parents
Life sucks when you want to be a full on emo kid. Your parents are so uptight that you’re fully expecting them to crap their pants the next time you tell them of your latest suicide ploy, involving freezing yourself to death in the refrigerator. Anyway here are some tips on how to be emo but at the same time not totally freak out your parents.
- Stop announcing your suicide plans publicly, especially if you’re only bluffing. Parents can be understandably very stressed out if they think something is going to happen to you.
- Wear a black bucket over your head constantly and smear the words “Seriously, I’m alright! Over it with red lipstick!”. If your parents challenge you, start smacking your hand off the side of your head like The Rain Man
- Don’t self harm. I know this totally goes against the Church of Emo but scars are easily visible and they frighten the hell out of caring relatives. If you must self harm, stick a form up your noise or wipe your ass on a cactus.
- Only listen to Emo music through headphones. If your parents where to hear My Chemical Romance, Aiden or Fall Out Boy at full blast for 18 hours a day they’ll start to realise that you’re suicidal for being able to put up with that trash for so long.
- Stop talking to yourself all of the time. Especially if you’re repeating mantras like “I’m worthless”, “Nobody loves me” or “My balls hurt” every five minutes.
- Take up smoking. Do this specifically if you haven’t announced to your parents that you’re emo and you know that they’ll freak out. You need to calm your own nerves after all. And smoking makes you more like a rockstar. Particularly when your teeth turn yellow and start to fall out like Amy Winehouse.
- If you must cross dress and are a guy, do not wear any of your dead relatives clothing. Particularly if they’ve only recently dyed and you’re trying to convince yourself to tie dye their clothes black.
Emos Are The Stupidiest Bunch Of Bastards On The Planet. Fact. No Arguing This Time.
Christ. It’s hilarious how many dumb ass emo kids come here to post their bullshit and most of it is completely unintelligble.
Take this example posted by someone calling themselves “vintage”.
emo is abt expressing ourself .dunt write abt it if ue dunt noe abt it biatch .
It took me half an hour to even understand the basics of what this poor fucker was trying to say.
Emo is not about expressing “ourself”. It’s about being a stupid son of a bitch with no future. And no friends. It’s about being an absolute waste of space. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The truth is that if you’re emo, you will never ever fuck. You will have likely masturbated that much over Pete Wentz by this stage that your genitals will be as useful as withered fruit.
Anyway what the holy fuck is wrong with this person? Are they that retarded that they can’t even type properly? The answer is yes. And they’ve also cut their wrists so much that they’ve damaged the tissue there meaning they couldn’t physically type even if they tried and weren’t mentally handicapped.
This person is not an emo, but he is retarded, yet smarter than every single emo on the planet.
It’s the same with every single Emo on the planet. None of them can type or form sentences. No wonder they hide in the dark all the time. If they take in too much light their ridiculously inept brains would explode like popcorn in the microwave.
Before any of you emos think about responding. Don’t. You’re as thick as pig shit. And no-one cares. You’re going nowhere in life. You have no hope of ever going to college unless it’s one of those bullshit colleges operated by some holy roller in Nebraska. Just get ready to spend your entire life preparing moonshine in your trailer whilst cats swing off your ceiling like diseased rats.
13 Comments »