Alternatives To Emo Cutting - Razors Are For Shaving Not For Slicing
OK so as an Emo you cut. It ironically helps to ease the pain, yet it harms your body and your family assuming they manage to find out. Well there are alternatives out there to cutting that will harm you and no-one else and I’ve listed them below.
- Watch all of Michael Moore’s films back to back. Your eyes will be scarred for all of eternity and your ears will never recover.
- Lie down outside naked in the rain in the dark. Only do this during the summer otherwise you might die of hypothermia. Don’t try this if your live in a street of houses unless you want the old bint next door to die of heart failure and for the cops to arrive eventually.
- Put a clothes pin on your tongue and hold it there for 3 hours. If you are still tempted to cut during this period, try putting another 5 on there and that should quell your desire to self harm.
- Buy a black marker and write whatever it is you want to cut into your skin. You can even show this to your parents without them worrying so knock yourself out kid (not literally).
- Ask a friend to lock you in a cupboard for an hour or two. Make sure it’s full of pots and pans so that if you’re feeling aggressive, you have something to take it out on. If there are any knives in there take them out beforehand otherwise you’ll be tempted to slice your arm off.
- Visit the zoo and vault over the fence into the tiger enclosure. Dance up to the tiger, pat it on the head whilst staring mockingly into its eyes before running back towards the fence again. Only try this if you are fit. The average vodka guzzling emo will not make it 3 steps before being ripped to shreds by the animal. And no. It won’t feel good. Tigers teeth are a lot sharper than razors.
- Get into a fight with a porcupine. It’s easier to annoy a porcupine than an emo, you simply have to stamp heavily on the ground a few feet in front of it and then it’ll launch a frenzied attack on its would-be attacker. Remember porcupines are even more dangerous than lions. Their pines are razor sharp and if one gets lodged in your skin you have to get a doctor to rip it out.
Remember self harm is a serious mental health issue. Whilst the solutions above aren’t guaranteed to produce significantly safer results than cutting, you’ll at least appear to be even more non-conformist in front of your friends.
If you have any other plausible alternatives to self harm, leave them in the comments section below.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
i dont get this whole website. are you trying to help kids out or not?
you seem to be making fun of all the kids that are having problems,seriously its not cool.
i cut for 5 years and i at one point called myself “emo”
now i’ve relized that its just a word that is used alot more than it should be…. i dont agree with any of the coments above. i quit cutting by getting help from a hospital….not from a porcuipne……or anything that stupid
November 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
this is fucking stupid
you’re making fun of kids who are choosing to exist.
you dont make fun of preps and jocks even tho they have mroe problems and are more fucked up then us.
We will find you and we will cut you.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
lets not go as far as cutting them i mean….they dont have a life..thats why they make all this shit up you know
December 15th, 2008 at 2:11 am
yeah I think oyu should make fun of jock or preps cause they are WAY earier to make fun of
one of the girls at my school {total prep} has a panic attack when her fingernails dont match, and there was this time we were drawin in art, she got a barely visible yellow dot on her shirt, wich was yellow, as she begged the teacher to let her go home bacause of a crisis.. she is a baka. Baka=idiot
January 4th, 2009 at 2:20 am
^^…LMFAO LAWL XD
(At The Comment Above Me)
Anyways,
Not All Emo’s Cut,
For Example:
Me…Im Emo I Don’t Cut.
So Stop Stereotyping Us.
January 11th, 2009 at 2:10 am
umm recently i went through a phase of cutting. pressure from friends and family made stop for now at least.
February 12th, 2009 at 6:36 pm
you lot are all fuckin sad and needed get a life u make me sick y dunt u al wise up and get a fucking life i used to cut and at the end of the day. . . . the onli person that ur hurting is urself thats y i stopped it now fuck aff and get a life sad fuckers all u emos arre gay and im no emo
February 13th, 2009 at 1:48 am
The fact that ALL emos cut could not possibly be more wrong! I’ve been cutting for five years and never considered myself “emo” before a few months ago. “Emo” is a style of music and clothing(and hair i guess too) but it’s nothing more than that. People who have twisted it in to a lifestyle and wrongly call themselves “emo” because they listen to mcr and green day are just wannabes that need to get a fucking life!!!
February 17th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
wtf this website is a load of shit… y the fuck would any one want to take this dumb ass’s advise he/she’s a poser and he/she needs to get ther facts right… ur just mad cuz you’ve realized Emos are a hell of allot better thn chav’s or jocks …. so fuck u !!
February 21st, 2009 at 12:51 am
why is it that emos are the only ones who get stereotyped (well and chavs but..), stop not all emos cut its so typical for someone to think like that.
Im emo and i have not ever self harmed.
March 10th, 2009 at 6:39 am
why are people getting so freaked out about this website? I cut, but this does not offend me at all… It’s just somebody having fun! Laugh, enjoy the jokes and laugh at yourself! This is not a personal attack… It’s just someone poking fun at a stereotype! Haha I think this website is pretty funny and I’m emo… Just relax
March 16th, 2009 at 3:54 am
wtf is ur problem! yeah im emo and i cut myself but most of us emos that do cut ourselves is because of the bullcrap u kind of people put us thru! if u would stop fuckin with us and tryin 2 make us out 2 b something were not maybe we wouldnt be so pissed off at ur gay fuckin ass! so shut the fuck up and we can cut ourselves if we fuckin want! its our life not urs so shut the fuck up!!!!!
March 31st, 2009 at 9:28 pm
People don’t understand…all the misery, tradgey, and pain we go through everyday. Cutting my wrists helps me. And yeah I do it almost everyday. I’m like addicted. But yeah were just really pessimistic and u shuldt judge us. People judging us just makes us more sad and wanna cut even more =[
April 11th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
To be honest, I think the likelihood of lying naked in the rain making me want to stop self harming is slim, but the idea of it made me smile.
June 23rd, 2009 at 8:09 pm
people need to stop confising cutters with emos. a cutter can wear flowered shirts and bright colors. emos wear black and wallow in thier own missery. so whoever cuts please stop…it doesn’t do anything
June 26th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
im with broken into a millon peices all the way
July 10th, 2009 at 6:45 am
Not emo. I cut. But this site did make me laugh so kudos.
July 16th, 2009 at 1:48 pm
this website is starting to piss me off!!!!