Alternatives To Emo Cutting - Razors Are For Shaving Not For Slicing
OK so as an Emo you cut. It ironically helps to ease the pain, yet it harms your body and your family assuming they manage to find out. Well there are alternatives out there to cutting that will harm you and no-one else and I’ve listed them below.
- Watch all of Michael Moore’s films back to back. Your eyes will be scarred for all of eternity and your ears will never recover.
- Lie down outside naked in the rain in the dark. Only do this during the summer otherwise you might die of hypothermia. Don’t try this if your live in a street of houses unless you want the old bint next door to die of heart failure and for the cops to arrive eventually.
- Put a clothes pin on your tongue and hold it there for 3 hours. If you are still tempted to cut during this period, try putting another 5 on there and that should quell your desire to self harm.
- Buy a black marker and write whatever it is you want to cut into your skin. You can even show this to your parents without them worrying so knock yourself out kid (not literally).
- Ask a friend to lock you in a cupboard for an hour or two. Make sure it’s full of pots and pans so that if you’re feeling aggressive, you have something to take it out on. If there are any knives in there take them out beforehand otherwise you’ll be tempted to slice your arm off.
- Visit the zoo and vault over the fence into the tiger enclosure. Dance up to the tiger, pat it on the head whilst staring mockingly into its eyes before running back towards the fence again. Only try this if you are fit. The average vodka guzzling emo will not make it 3 steps before being ripped to shreds by the animal. And no. It won’t feel good. Tigers teeth are a lot sharper than razors.
- Get into a fight with a porcupine. It’s easier to annoy a porcupine than an emo, you simply have to stamp heavily on the ground a few feet in front of it and then it’ll launch a frenzied attack on its would-be attacker. Remember porcupines are even more dangerous than lions. Their pines are razor sharp and if one gets lodged in your skin you have to get a doctor to rip it out.
Remember self harm is a serious mental health issue. Whilst the solutions above aren’t guaranteed to produce significantly safer results than cutting, you’ll at least appear to be even more non-conformist in front of your friends.
If you have any other plausible alternatives to self harm, leave them in the comments section below.
September 26th, 2008 at 6:03 pm
i dont get this whole website. are you trying to help kids out or not?
you seem to be making fun of all the kids that are having problems,seriously its not cool.
i cut for 5 years and i at one point called myself “emo”
now i’ve relized that its just a word that is used alot more than it should be…. i dont agree with any of the coments above. i quit cutting by getting help from a hospital….not from a porcuipne……or anything that stupid
November 16th, 2008 at 12:41 am
this is fucking stupid
you’re making fun of kids who are choosing to exist.
you dont make fun of preps and jocks even tho they have mroe problems and are more fucked up then us.
We will find you and we will cut you.
December 11th, 2008 at 7:40 pm
lets not go as far as cutting them i mean….they dont have a life..thats why they make all this shit up you know
December 15th, 2008 at 2:11 am
yeah I think oyu should make fun of jock or preps cause they are WAY earier to make fun of
one of the girls at my school {total prep} has a panic attack when her fingernails dont match, and there was this time we were drawin in art, she got a barely visible yellow dot on her shirt, wich was yellow, as she begged the teacher to let her go home bacause of a crisis.. she is a baka. Baka=idiot
January 4th, 2009 at 2:20 am
^^…LMFAO LAWL XD
(At The Comment Above Me)
Anyways,
Not All Emo’s Cut,
For Example:
Me…Im Emo I Don’t Cut.
So Stop Stereotyping Us.