Emo kids are hilarious. Chances are that if you’re reading this you are an Emo Kid. Now I bet you’re shaking your head in denial. You’re probably trying to justify it all in your head by saying something like “I’m not an emo kid. I’m an adult! I’m emotional!”. Lies. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of being an emo kid as you provide the rest of the world with such laughs.
In this category I’ll explore what it really means to be an Emo Kid in this world and all of the messed up situations they find themselves in.
How To Make An Emo Kid Laugh
I’ve spent 3 hours trying to find a picture of an Emo laughing on the Internet and this is all that came up. Feckin’ scary isn’t it? I think I might have just crapped my pants. This is the reason why Emos should not smile. It looks wrong because it is wrong. It’s an abomination [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 33 Comments »>Everytime You Masturbate An Emo Kid Commits Suicide?
You’ve probably heard this myth elsewhere on the internet. The one that says that everytime you pleasure yourself an emo kid commits suicide. Well I’m here to debunk it. The truth is that everytime someone masturbates an emo kid ATTEMPTS suicide. However the success rate (thankfully) is so low that very few die from a [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 1 Comment »>Emo Children - How To Tell If Your Child Is Emo
There are many tell tale signs that as a parent you should look out for in your child. I’ve made a short list of them here.
Does your child spent most of his days staring into the mirror scratching at invisible pimples? If he comes across a pimple does he lose his mind and begin smashing [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 2 Comments »>I’m An Emo Kid, Mother - 5 Ways You Can Tell Whether Your Kid is An Emo
If you look at your child and you are wondering what type of species they are, then you are certainly not alone. The number of kids being sucked into the Emo culture is frightening and leaves a lot of people confused. Learning how to tell for sure you ended up with an Emo [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 67 Comments »>Don’t Kill Emo Kids! Adopt Them Instead and Make Them Take A Shower!
If someone could please assist me with this mission, it would be greatly appreciated. I would really like to work on organizing an adoption agency for all of the Emos of the world. Potential parents with a high tolerance for smell, a large bathroom with plenty of soap and some harsh punishments would [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 5 Comments »>Emo Men Should Not Wear Make Up. Make Up Is For Women
One thing that I never understand in my life is why these new obsessive emo kids, boys, in particular, enjoy wearing the make up that women use to mask their faces. This fashion style is very embarrassing to look at, especially when they actually enjoy doing that to themselves. I mean, come on, even if [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 20 Comments »>Cheer Up Emo Kid For Gods Sake!
Stop reading so much Oscar Wilde.
Stop listening to Morrissey, My Chemical Romance and all of those other awful bands.
Take a leak in the urinals for a once, instead of shying away in the cubicles and scratching your arm with a tooth pick.
If Mother won’t give you money to attend the Fall Out Boy concert, instead [...]
Caught Dan Crying To How Soon Is Now By The Smiths
How sad is this? I came home from Church last night and Dan was lying on my bed, weeping his heart out to The Smiths track “How Soon Is Now”. I asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at but he wouldn’t respond, he had his head buried underneath the sheets. I [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 2 Comments »>
