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A Day In The Life Of An Emo Kid
Your First Date With An Emo Boyfriend
Emo kids are hilarious. Chances are that if you’re reading this you are an Emo Kid. Now I bet you’re shaking your head in denial. You’re probably trying to justify it all in your head by saying something like “I’m not an emo kid. I’m an adult! I’m emotional!”. Lies. But you shouldn’t be ashamed of being an emo kid as you provide the rest of the world with such laughs.
In this category I’ll explore what it really means to be an Emo Kid in this world and all of the messed up situations they find themselves in.
Why Do Emo Kids Hate Their Parents?
Emo Kids hate their parents because they hate everything!
They hate the idea of being controlled, they’d much rather do the controlling, forcing their friends into adopting ridiculous hairstyles and listening to most god awful bollocks on the planet.
They despise authority because it reminds them of how powerless they really are. Emos bask in having an [...]
Emo Kids Cry Even Why They Kiss
It amazes me how depressed some Emo kids are.
Not only do they cut their arms to ribbons for cheap kicks, but they also cry more than it rains in Manchester, England even when they are having a good time!
I knew this guy who would cry when he kissed girls and he wasn’t even gay. It [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 2 Comments »>Beating Up An Emo Kid Is Not Funny. It’s Evil, Sad and it Sucks.
If you think beating up Emo kids is funny, then you’re mentally deranged.
If you truly hate Emos then the only option is to stay as far away from them as possible. When you kick the hell out of an Emo Kid, he won’t stop being Emo over-night. By the next morning he’ll be even more [...]
Why People Should Stop Hating Emo Kids.
Emos have been hated by society for too long. As hard as it is for me to admit, Emo’s aren’t worse than Hitler. They are simply mindless kids trying to find their identity by dressing like mascared scarecrows.
Emos are only out for the attention. If we didn’t complain about them then they’d simply go away.
It’s [...]
Emos Cry When They Hear Their Cellphone Run Out Of Power
I’ve seen this over and over again with Emos. Instead of recharging their cellphone like normal humans, they’ll let their phone’s battery run down low before even thinking about turning on the charger. They do this to pretend that their phone is “dying” and will weep and lament over the ’striken’ device as it beeps [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 1 Comment »>Stop Hating Emos, Eh? They Have Emotions, Eh?
I’m inundated on a daily basis with pleas from Emos to stop hating on them. After all they are humans with emotions. Well! Who’d have thunk it. And I thought they Emo’s were robots from the planet Emoton out to rid the world of its sanity.
Let’s get this straight. I don’t hate Emos. I love [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 5 Comments »>Why Do Emos Bite Each Other?
This is seriously messed up crap. I keep seeing more and more Emos biting one another in public. It’s almost as if it’s some sort of bizarre mating ritual. I seen one guy hop on another Emo’s back before sinking his teeth into his neck and ripping out a huge amount of flesh. It was [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 26 Comments »>Why Emo Kids All Look The Same..
Emo kids always look the same because they have no minds.
They are 100% shallow. They are the bottom rung of society. They seek to persecute individuality by threatening to gouge extremely rude messages into one another’s foreheads if they have the audacity to stray from the herd. And by straying from the herd I mean [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 4 Comments »>How To Make An Emo Kid Laugh
I’ve spent 3 hours trying to find a picture of an Emo laughing on the Internet and this is all that came up. Feckin’ scary isn’t it? I think I might have just crapped my pants. This is the reason why Emos should not smile. It looks wrong because it is wrong. It’s an abomination [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 207 Comments »>Everytime You Masturbate An Emo Kid Commits Suicide?
You’ve probably heard this myth elsewhere on the internet. The one that says that everytime you pleasure yourself an emo kid commits suicide. Well I’m here to debunk it. The truth is that everytime someone masturbates an emo kid ATTEMPTS suicide. However the success rate (thankfully) is so low that very few die from a [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 1 Comment »>Emo Children - How To Tell If Your Child Is Emo
There are many tell tale signs that as a parent you should look out for in your child. I’ve made a short list of them here.
Does your child spent most of his days staring into the mirror scratching at invisible pimples? If he comes across a pimple does he lose his mind and begin smashing [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 25 Comments »>I’m An Emo Kid, Mother - 5 Ways You Can Tell Whether Your Kid is An Emo
If you look at your child and you are wondering what type of species they are, then you are certainly not alone. The number of kids being sucked into the Emo culture is frightening and leaves a lot of people confused. Learning how to tell for sure you ended up with an Emo [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 85 Comments »>Don’t Kill Emo Kids! Adopt Them Instead and Make Them Take A Shower!
If someone could please assist me with this mission, it would be greatly appreciated. I would really like to work on organizing an adoption agency for all of the Emos of the world. Potential parents with a high tolerance for smell, a large bathroom with plenty of soap and some harsh punishments would [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 8 Comments »>Emo Men Should Not Wear Make Up. Make Up Is For Women
One thing that I never understand in my life is why these new obsessive emo kids, boys, in particular, enjoy wearing the make up that women use to mask their faces. This fashion style is very embarrassing to look at, especially when they actually enjoy doing that to themselves. I mean, come on, even if [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 30 Comments »>Cheer Up Emo Kid For Gods Sake!
Stop reading so much Oscar Wilde.
Stop listening to Morrissey, My Chemical Romance and all of those other awful bands.
Take a leak in the urinals for a once, instead of shying away in the cubicles and scratching your arm with a tooth pick.
If Mother won’t give you money to attend the Fall Out Boy concert, instead [...]
Caught Dan Crying To How Soon Is Now By The Smiths
How sad is this? I came home from Church last night and Dan was lying on my bed, weeping his heart out to The Smiths track “How Soon Is Now”. I asked him what the hell he thought he was playing at but he wouldn’t respond, he had his head buried underneath the sheets. I [...]
Posted in Emo Kids | 3 Comments »>