Cheer Up Emo Kid For Gods Sake!
- Stop reading so much Oscar Wilde.
- Stop listening to Morrissey, My Chemical Romance and all of those other awful bands.
- Take a leak in the urinals for a once, instead of shying away in the cubicles and scratching your arm with a tooth pick.
- If Mother won’t give you money to attend the Fall Out Boy concert, instead of vowing to kill yourself, actually earn the money yourself. Mow the lawn for your parents. Tidy the house! Don’t just lie about the house moping. Remember no one cares!
- Stop watching gay-porn in front of your girlfriend just to try to convince her that “you’re going through a really difficult bi-period” at the moment.
- Stop slapping your head in public when things don’t go your way. You look like the goddamn Rainman!
- Stop complaining about how you hate being a man and actually relish being one! Go out and kill something, even if it’s only a squirrel.
- Stop asking the ouija board to reveal the exact moment you’ll die, especially if you intend to make a stab at suicide on that very date. It’s immature.
- Stop crying in public when people tell you that your taste in music is absolutely shit. Stop enforcing your music on people who aren’t remotely interested in that shit.
- You don’t have to dress like a diseased vampire, 24/7 y’know? Try to add something into your wardrobe that isn’t either purple or black.
- Stop covering the walls of your room in ketchup in a vain attempt to convince your relatives that it’s your own blood. You probably haven’t even hid the bottle afterwards!
- Stop weeping on the toilet in the middle of the night because you can’t sleep. If it really is a problem, go to the doctors and ask for some sleeping tablets.
- Stop watching Girl Interrupted over and over again.
- Stop reading Sylvia Plath novels.
- Stop ruining electronic devices on purpose by pouring vodka or water over them.
June 24th, 2007 at 6:10 pm
I have one problem with this post: The goddamn Rainman doesn’t look NEARLY as pathetic as a whiny emo throwing a temper tantrum.
Other than that: Good one, Evelyn!