Emo Olympics
Today heralds the start of the first ever Emo Olympic Games were depressed and malnourished teenagers will take part in a series of events over a week.
Situated in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, The Games have attracted much outroar from the media due to the brutal nature of many of the events. However despite calls for The Games to be banned, they continue on in earnest. What follows is a description of some of the more controversial events.
800m Gurgles
The winner in this event will be the first emo across the line to have finished off a quart of vodka whilst completing the circuit. Competitors will be disqualified if they are caught vomiting or otherwise spilling any of the vodka deliberately. This event will be sponsored exclusively by Smirnoff and their partners Bic.
Archery
Emo Archery will consist of countries fielding teams of two, with one person acting as the archer and the other as the target. The target will then be forced to strip naked, with various parts of their body highlighted with different colors of lipstick. The relevant body parts, along with their designated colors and points values are listed below.
- Groin - Pink (10 points)
- Head - Grey (5 points)
- Heart - Black (3 points)
- Liver - Yellow (1 point)
Baseball
This event is quite different from ordinary baseball in that it involves no pitchers, balls or out calls. The goal of Emo Baseball is for the runner to sprint around the diamond as quickly as possible whilst smashing themselves around the head with the bat as many times as they can. The winner will be the Emo who records a combination of the most head hits and fastest times around the pitch.
Discus
Each candidate will be awarded 100 rare My Chemical Romance 12″ discs at the start of the event. The first Emo to throw all of the records over a cliff-face without diving in after them will win the event.
Diving
Each contestant in turn will dive into shark infested waters with a heart monitor and stopwatch attached to their body. The winner of the event will be the first Emo to die. Each Emo will be permitted to wear only one article of clothing comprised solely of meat in order to tempt the sharks towards them. Shirts and pants made of pork are forbidden due to political correctness.
Javelin
The winner of the Javelin event will be the Emo who manages to insert the Javelin the furthest into their own flesh. Competitors who attempt to insert the Javelin into their own rectums will be instantly disqualified. In the event of a tiebreak, the winner will be the competitor who loses the most blood.
Lion Racing
The Emo will start the race on top of the Lion with the eventual winner being the first Emo to cross the line INSIDE the animal.
Sawing
Each emo will be issued with a 20″ hand saw and ordered to cut off an arm and a leg in the quickest time possible. Emos will have to undergo blood tests before and after the event in order to eliminate any chance of the competitors doping themselves up with vodka.
Sawing + 400m Sprint
This is the same as the event above except it’s targetted at less suicidal olympians. After the Emo amputates their two limbs, they will be forced to do a lap of the circuit whilst carrying their severed body parts in a rucksack. The first Emo across the line will then be transported immediately to hospital, where surgeons will attempt to reattach the limbs.
Shooting
In this event, each candidate will be issued an AK47 assault rifle. The aim of the game is to kill yourself as quickly as possible by shooting yourself ONLY in the ass cheeks. Competitors will be disqualified if any of the ammunition or indeed the rifle ends up in their anuses.
September 27th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
NOT RIGHT AT ALL
September 30th, 2008 at 8:57 pm
this is fekin rejective. i hate all you emo-haters (even though you make us famous)
October 6th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
what ever its called emotive hardcore but ne ways let them emos be
October 28th, 2008 at 4:28 pm
i understand that you dont like emos (which means u hate me) but if you could not write such hard things about us that would be okay…your talking about us like we’re from another planet but that is not true..were actual people…no matter how we dress were going to be the way we want to be…if we wore pink clothing and flared out pants all the tim ewould that make us “normal” ? no one is the same…every emo is extremely different and its not right for you to be talking about us like that…me and thousands of others would apprecite it if you would get rid of this site
October 28th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
someone should make a site against preppy people!
October 28th, 2008 at 4:30 pm
why are you saying emos are all fat? im not fat and im emo….i would never let myself get fat…i dont enough to let that happen anyways.
MEATS NO GREEN! SAVE THE WORLD!…GO VEGETARIAN!
http://www.peta2.com
October 31st, 2008 at 4:08 pm
gkjyfrmhhfdhfucj
November 10th, 2008 at 3:49 pm
nice i want to join
November 14th, 2008 at 5:43 am
Stop whining, life isn’t as hard as you think. Also, this here is just a bit of fun, I think a website against pretty people would be just as funny, but harder to insult stereotypically. So if you are gonna make that website, tell me here.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:41 am
ha, I think this shit is hilarious.
December 15th, 2008 at 2:03 am
is there actually an Olympics? sorry I am horribly slow at times
December 15th, 2008 at 2:49 am
BAHAHA
Genius.
All these “emo” kidds are trying to stick up for themselves.
hahaha.
LOVE it.
I find all these things HILARIOUS.
December 18th, 2008 at 11:38 am
screw you, moron! is this what you think is funny? why is it that pathetic guys like you always have to make ‘fun’ of emos?
December 21st, 2008 at 9:56 pm
lol im not emo but ur still a faggot, as for ally, she’s probably just some whore whos boobs outweigh her intelligence.
December 23rd, 2008 at 5:57 am
you fag why r you always mean to us… Go make fun of preppy bimbo cheer leaders… Why is it only the emos that get picked on why not the goths too or the sean people… Just cuz we are emotional dosent give you ppl the right to b dicks to us…. I dont get you anti emo people… we dident do any thing besides waste air and you deside to devote a hole web site in how much you hate us. Darn your gonna make me cut again and my rist a full theres no more room damn it… I hope you preppy people burn in hell!!!!!
December 28th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
This is pretty offending,but Come on,u gotta admit, Some of this shit is pretty damn funny,especially cus this is wot peoples perceptions of emos r,lol,take a joke,stop bitching
January 2nd, 2009 at 3:10 am
when you are reading this dont stop or something bad will happen! My name is summer i am 15 years old i have blonde hair,many scars no nose or ears..i am dead.if you dont copy this just like from the ring, on 5 more sites.. or..i will appear one dark quiet night when your not expecting it by your bed with a knife and kill you. this is no joke something good will happen to you if you post this on 5 more pages
January 3rd, 2009 at 9:48 pm
No effence or nothing, but i used to be an scene emo, and i went to the 2004 olympics for gymnastics, and i won >:(
January 8th, 2009 at 3:45 am
thats mean. u need 2 stop makin fun of ppl who have a different perspective on life…
January 11th, 2009 at 10:29 am
*sigh* you people who are whining about being offended becasue you’re emo are seriously annoying…
GET A FUCKING LIFE!
January 14th, 2009 at 2:59 am
You make me laugh. You took the time to do this? Wow… You must have a lot of time.
January 14th, 2009 at 11:54 am
Well…. i guess an emo hater computer nerd with an imagination had some time on there hands eh?
January 30th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
You emo FUCKERS!! get a god damn life stop whinning about how bad your life is deal with it you FUCK ups its reality all you douche bags want is attention!!! cause all you guys know in a million years your never going to be able to get your dicks wet
SO FUCK YOU FAGGET ASS WHINNY BITCHES
January 30th, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Dear Emo Pussies I am the clit master everytime you hear clit your seein this FUCKIN FACE go put stapon and fuck your dog you fuck face so go pplay with traffic fuck faces
Love, George
February 4th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
this is gayyy.
February 7th, 2009 at 1:47 am
i want to kill all my fellow emo-ers. and me. emoness is the saddest thing ever
February 9th, 2009 at 12:49 am
i’m not emo or anything but this it’s a bunch of shit if u think emo people are like that i have emo friends and they dress and act like regular people. a real emo deosn’t cut themselves anyone can do thatand anyone can get drunk. btw emo is a style of music.Get it right!
February 14th, 2009 at 11:18 pm
AAARRRRGGGG FUCKING STEREOTYPICAL WANKERS!!!
February 21st, 2009 at 12:29 pm
Can ya send chavs/jocks/bimbos into this too? Or is that an unfair advantage ’cause they can’t deal with blood loss?
*confused*
February 22nd, 2009 at 5:28 am
all i have to say is wow your fucking stupid if you think this is how emos are you stereotypical ass. i hope you choke.
March 8th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
hates only hate because they know they cant become part of this, this is becoming a big thing.theyre just trying toshoot us down because theyre scared that we can overpower anything they can do. jealous bitches is what preps and jocks are, they may try to be poser, but it never works, haters hate, lovers love, simple as that
im emo and proud of it bitches
mail me if u agree:
jenhaproctor@yahoo.com
hate emails will be discarded
March 10th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
This is amusing and all “emo” people shouldn’t be offeneded. You sit here and talk about “jocks” and “preps” so don’t act innocent. I will be happy when everyone drops the labels and learns to deal with individuals that you meet instead of stereotyping everyone.
March 10th, 2009 at 1:25 pm
This is amusing and all “emo” people shouldn’t be offended. You sit here and talk about “jocks” and “preps” so don’t act innocent. I will be happy when everyone drops the labels and learns to deal with individuals that you meet instead of stereotyping everyone.
March 10th, 2009 at 10:58 pm
Wow.
Some of you guys who commented on here have usernames like “Emo” and “Emo gurl.”
That’s just plain sad, using stereotypes to describe yourself…
March 10th, 2009 at 11:41 pm
WTF?
ok, why do you have “I Love Emo Chicks!” at the bottom of your page?
but anywho…
it only shows fear and confusion when you criticize the lifestyle of another person
you don’t understand it because it isn’t you or something you are used to, so you bash it just to ‘make it better’ for yourself.
i’m sorry, but you can’t make ‘emo’ go away.
you can’t make any lifestyle go away, no matter how many nasty, ridiculous, and downright ignorant blogs you may post complaining about it.
everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but some things are better left unsaid.
personally, i think what these other people are saying about doing the same for “preppy people” is just as bad.
eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. ~Ghandi
people need to learn to either be accepting or keep their mouths shut.
because even the people bashing ‘emos’ are still calling them “emo people.”
therefore, they are admitting that “emo people” are indeed people.
people with feelings, just as any human has.
or is supposed to have anyways…
sometimes i wonder about some people…
so (let’s go back to kindergarten shall we?)..
treat others how you would like to be treated
or if you really don’t care what people do to you, still be considerate.
to be HUMANE is to be HUMAN
and making others feel terrible is pretty inhumane…
just saying..
…
i still don’t get what you mean at the bottom of the page though o_O
confusing, much?
March 16th, 2009 at 6:49 am
ur a fuckin bitch and u need 2 shut ur mouth b4 i show u how deep i can cut my wrists with ur throat!!!!!
March 16th, 2009 at 6:39 pm
FUCK URSELF! U have enough time 2 ake a gay website so u must be gay or just jealous cuz emo ppls r so awesum P.S. Thnx 4 makin us so damn famous
March 16th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
i meant to put make but im on my cell phone
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:12 pm
emo people… quit calling yourself “emo” and acting like you are part of some special, retarded group - and get a life
April 2nd, 2009 at 11:13 pm
this was actually really freaking funny/entertaining
i’m really bored
April 3rd, 2009 at 12:31 am
look im not emo but this is probally just the most terrible thing anybody could ever think of they’re not animals they’re people just like you and me i bet no one posted up a website saying the want to kill you
April 11th, 2009 at 11:53 am
JUST LEAVE EMOS ALONE IM EMO AND I DONT THINK ITS RIGHT YOU WOULDNT LIKE IT IF WE MADE A SITE ABOUT YOU AND SIAD STUFF WHICH IS MEAN SO GET A LIFE CUS MAKING THIS SITE IS CHILDISH JUST DELETE IT!
if any emos want to talk 2 me my msn is mizzcutesabriah@hotmail.co.uk
May 5th, 2009 at 9:50 pm
There are no words to describe this except for sick and cruel.
Jerk
May 7th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
I dont get it. How and why do people find this amusing?
May 16th, 2009 at 3:35 am
To the guy at the top of the page. We aren’t “trying” to defend ourselves. We’re actually suceeding. I’ve had enough with all this Emo bullshit all week. And to the guy who wrote this thing, you are just plain insulting. Not all emo’s are suicidle.
May 17th, 2009 at 5:11 am
I show u how deep I can cut my wrists with your throat!!!!! I’m EMO and I never do that!!!! Maybe you do that, oh! Or maybe you cut your wrist with your teeth?! Amazing you fucking bitch!You Jerk!!
May 18th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
Wow, what jerks you are, you seriously have no clue what it is like to not be cared about, and be alone in the world getting screamed at every night for things that are not your fault and having to dig into your own skin at various places just so you don’t worry about so much that you will attempt to kill yourself, you do not know what it is like to be emo, wat we go through every fricken day, right back if you have some balls
May 20th, 2009 at 9:03 am
I kill you!!!
You bastard!
May 21st, 2009 at 3:52 am
I will make you die, now. Why you write this stupid and not funny things. You have a brain right? When you dont have a brain I will forgive you, but, when you have a brain, you wrong EMO is not like that. I am and dave emo. We never doing that. We are not gay. You are so STUPID, and look like DIE WORM. You are not cool like emo. Anto emo is jerk and stupid. Ati emo’s brain not on the head, but on the bottom. You jerk, and stupid. You never use your brain I think. Cause when you use your barain, you never write all this tupid things.
-Nicky-
Die now you jerk!
May 21st, 2009 at 8:45 pm
i agree with ‘Savannah’
i’m currently in my bed unable to walk because of my recent opporation and self harming is the only thing that is stopping me from killing myself because my parents wont let my friends round if they were here i wouldnt wurt myself because i would know there was someone there for me
May 24th, 2009 at 2:55 am
sounds fun
May 26th, 2009 at 8:03 am
dood this aint fucking right?
Emo’s are fucking sexy as helll, stop dising them?
May 26th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
Why? Why, many people hate emo?!
Emo is great i agree with dave. Emo great, and not jerk. I hate punk, metal head, rock, pop, hip hop, r&b, and you. Why you make all this cruel things? C’mon use your brain. I now you are a man, not emo, and anti-emo. You don’t know what do you feel when you be an emo?
May 26th, 2009 at 10:36 pm
OMFG I LOVE YOU XD
i love it when the emu’s say “stop hating me you mean man your just making US famous! *covers eyes with oversized fringe in a dark, lonely corner* sad face =(”
jesus christ man best site ever im sending to all my contacts on msn
May 26th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
hey want some anti emu propaganda? You can check out my DA if you want just message me
May 30th, 2009 at 6:31 pm
What a complete and utter webshite…. why the fuck would you want to waste your fucking life just to rabble on about something you hate…. I REALLY FUCKING HATE PRDJUDICE PEOPLE!!! YOU THINK WE SLIT OUR WRISTS AND SHIT WELL FYI…. WE DONT AND SOME PEOPLE SELF HARM BECAUSE FOR REASONS LIKE THEY’RE BEING BULLIED OR ABUSE AND SHIT LIKE THAT BUT YOU DONT HAVE TO BE “EMO” TO CUT YOURSELF AND NOT EVERY EMO DOES, I HATE STEREOTYPES AND SHIT BUT SERIOUSLY WTF!!! GET A LIFE AND DO SOMETHING WITH …HONESTLY GET A BRAIN OR A HEART
May 31st, 2009 at 2:31 am
Stupid duchebag!consider our feelings
June 1st, 2009 at 10:15 pm
damn, this like, qualifies as racist… sept for stereo types… learn something from emos, acceptance. i have a bunch of prep friends. and all you other emos bashing preps/jocks, get over it, be above them. besides, we are hawter than them anyway
June 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 am
Where do I sign up?
June 5th, 2009 at 3:02 pm
HAHAHAHA! Omg! This is hilarious, you people are pathetic, its just a joke! Legend XD
June 8th, 2009 at 7:29 am
mmm.. like I said befor you have a lot of time on yur hands..
June 13th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
i didnt even know ppl still did the emo thing… i thought it was kinda dying. if this website offends you, GO AWAY. its all just a joke.
the stereotypes are what make jokes funny… get over it
June 13th, 2009 at 11:55 pm
on the other hand, there has to be something better than INTENSELY hate one group of people. a joke is one thing, but takin it too far is another. emos are ppl who need love too… plus theyre hott
June 17th, 2009 at 8:27 am
i love this site lmfao
June 18th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
leaveus emo’s bee
June 18th, 2009 at 9:32 pm
leave us emo’s bee
June 18th, 2009 at 9:34 pm
I don’t like the writer’s of this.
June 19th, 2009 at 9:20 am
Funny as hell! Ill pay to see this ;]. Emo kids….your not different im sorry. Your nothing but a bunch of whiney babies and think life is hell for you. Bet almost to any emo out there i’ve had it rougher than all of you. Im just stronger ;]. FUCK EMO
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:20 am
naw i’m not emo but they r cool peps
and they go through tough shit so if anyone has a problem with me we can fight in new york on the Empire State building
first to fall off loses
June 22nd, 2009 at 8:22 am
yo emos u can idk protest
for harassment
June 24th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
when you are reading this dont stop or something bad will happen! My name is summer i am 15 years old i have blonde hair,many scars no nose or ears..i am dead.if you dont copy this just like from the ring, on 5 more sites.. or..i will appear one dark quiet night when your not expecting it by your bed with a knife and kill you. this is no joke something good will happen to you if you post this on 5 more pages
July 15th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
just shut up all of you you guy are all being ridiulus i’m emo i don’t complain so what it was a joke that some people over reacted to get over it you god damn idiot i swear the world today makes me sick if you don’t have any thing nice to say then keep you fuckin mouth shut i wish you could explain things people easier without them being idiots and not listening!you all make me sick!
July 25th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
just cos you hate emos (which means you hate me) dosn’t mean you can say men things about us.
Your just a sad person with too much time on your hands.
EMO 4 EVER
July 25th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
stop being a twat and wasting other peoples time
July 27th, 2009 at 3:43 am
Uh lmfao chick with a bunch of this ???????? 4 a name is crazy and retarded XD ….Ok well i thought this was sooooooooo funny (my opinion)
but it was also dumb, rude, and soooo retarded (thatz wat made it funny).1st of all, all emo kids arent suicidel >:O and the 1s who r wouldnt jump into shark infested waters wearing cow skinny jeans o.O 2 this thing…idk funny 2 the max cus itz just sum lame rat ass with nothing 2 do but b a fucking noob 2 ppl who chose 2 not b like them.Im emo and i dont giva shit wat u think.And all the emo ppl who left complaint i can c y ur so blah blah blah about it…but think about it, who ever made this obviously wants 2 b an emo if they go this far 2 make fun of them!…….well just wanted 2 say this site suckz grandpa ballz and is funny bcus sum old dumb fag made it >.<
<3 silver
EMOZ RULE U SONZ OF BITCHZ (jk) u guyz just wish u were as hot and awesome as us…BOOM! suck rat ass