Everytime You Masturbate An Emo Kid Commits Suicide?
You’ve probably heard this myth elsewhere on the internet. The one that says that everytime you pleasure yourself an emo kid commits suicide. Well I’m here to debunk it. The truth is that everytime someone masturbates an emo kid ATTEMPTS suicide. However the success rate (thankfully) is so low that very few die from a suicide attempt.
How do Emo Kids know that you’ve been masturbating? Well they are closely connected to God. In fact the emos themselves identify themselves as the Sons and Daughters of Christ.
Every time God sees you pounding your Parsons in your bathroom he relays graphic live images into an emo kids head. The emo, who is given no prior warning instantly loses his mind like the horses in The Ring. He’ll usually run down to the mall, climb into a shopping cart and attempt to propel himself into oncoming traffic. But it very rarely works as most emos are too emancipated to even move a shopping cart an inch let alone 300 yards.
How can you prevent God from watching you masturbate in the first place? Well your best option is to build an iron cubicle into your bathroom suite and stand inside it when you want to do the dirty. Whilst God is both omniscient and omnipotent he cannot penetrate iron so he shouldn’t see you.
If you see an Emo struggling to wheel a shopping cart into oncoming traffic, stop them, ask them where they live and wheel them back to their parents. Don’t mention the suicide attempt to their parents because you can assume they have enough problems with the kid already.
Remember if you have to be filthy, be responsible. We don’t want another emo kid attempting suicide even if it is a naff effort…
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:17 pm
acually for being an emo kid i found that very funny and not near as mean as som of the other posts