First Date With An Emo Boyfriend
So you’ve finally bagged an Emo Boyfriend and you’re ready to go on your first date. Excellent! Listed below are a number of possible destinations on this date along with some general advice about each venue. Enjoy!
His Room
This is a no-no, unless you want to spend the next 12 hours listening to him reading out his poetry. He’ll dedicate the rest of his time to playing god-awful ballads he has written about you on his guitar whilst singing along like a dork. By the end of the night he’ll have embarrased both of you by making an awkward sexual advance.
He’ll hint at his sexual frustration by showing you all of the bloodied bandages he’s collected from 18 years of being a self mutilator. He’ll then start to dig into his forearms with anything he can find. He’ll progress to cutting and gouging with anything ranging from plastic forks to compasses. If you are particularly unlucky, he’ll crush a light bulb in his hand, sprinkle the glass into a cup of orange juice before trying to drink it all in one go.
You’ll then be responsible for informing his mother that he’s ingested a lethal cocktail of a light bulb and some orange juice.
Graveyard
A first date in a graveyard will be sure to impress your emo boyfriend. It’ll be an opportunity for him to mope between the gravestones and mutter unintelligibly about the fragility and futility of human existence. Remember to restrain him if he tries to jump into an open grave. And if he suggests that you have intercourse on someones plot, smack him around the head until he’s suitably dazed and run away. Be sure to tell all of your friends about it too.
Abandoned Rail-Line
This is another desolate location that your emo boyfriend will find irrestible. You’ll be able to walk hand-in-hand along miles of abandoned track. Just be sure that the track is abandoned otherwise you might just end up picking bits of carriage out of your face for the next 1000 years.
A Bar
A first date in a bar with an emo is not that desirable because usually he’ll get ridiculously drunk throughout the evening to cope with his nerves. By the end of the night all of his emotions will come out at once and he’ll attempt to pick fights with people outside the bar. Be sure to escort him to the cab rank as quickly as possible otherwise you’ll probably end up in the back of an ambulance with him after he starts a brawl with a bunch of jocks.
To ensure the night passes off smoothly be sure to research his least favorite drinks before hand because if he catches you drinking them he’ll immediately think that you are trying to oppress his individuality by having a different opinion. Research his taste in music too in case there is a jukebox in the place. Whilst you might think that playing ABBA’s “Dancing Queen” is innocent enough, your boyfriend could become hysterical and try to commit suicide in the bar.
Night Club
Emo boys love night clubs, even though they’ll pretend to hate them at the start of the night. He’ll start the evening off by hiding in the darkest corner of the room and drinking quickly. As the night progresses he will move progressively closer to the dance floor and will start to move his head in time to the music.
By the end of the night he’ll be “dancing” on the floor, giving it all her can whilst the other patrons on the dancefloor will recoil with a mixture of bewilderment and horror. It’s certain that at one point he’ll knock over someone’s drink resulting in a confrontation with a guy twice his height. Be sure to drag your boyfriend away unless you find men with disfigured faces sexy.
He’ll spend most of his time in the night club arguing with the DJ, who’ll basically refuse to play anything he requests since his taste in music will invariably be shit.
Cinema
The Cinema is another poor choice, simply because most emo kids are totally claustrophobic and are (ironically enough) afraid of the dark. I’ve known emo kids who have completely flipped out in the theatre and started smashing their heads off the chair in front of them, before running up to the screen and headbutting it. If you must go to the cinema be sure to keep an eye on the emo.
If he starts acting up, pour your soda all down his pants. If that doesn’t work, start pelting him with popcorn. Try your best to aim for the eyes. As a last resort you should buy a jumbo hotdog from the lobby and start smashing him around the head with it until he’s stopped making an ass of himself.
August 22nd, 2008 at 12:33 pm
Superb. Really good show.
August 31st, 2008 at 4:54 am
so true!!!! One tip; when they try and make a pass at you and you allow it make sure your eyes are shut.
September 1st, 2008 at 11:16 pm
Yes.
Very true.
My first date was at the graveyard.
Tip:Watch out for immatators.There is some boys that pretend to be emo because because the love they have for ur clothing.When they go to they graveyard they finally admit they are not emo.Scream like a girl an drunaway.
September 15th, 2008 at 12:07 am
lol that is fo funny!!!!!!yet sad too.
September 15th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
lol wow ok 1st of all sum of this is crap and i would be mad but its stupidly funny yeah funny. it still amuzes me how one person can be so ignorant into thinking all emos are the same, i dont like to cut myself, i do look emo most of the time except when theres a party then im into anythin it has class, second not all emos have to have blk hair, sum dye it of diferent colors sure blk cuz it goes with evrythin, and last emos have been really popular and its growing and soon we will make our empire take over, cuz the revolution its comin and we emos are ready, are u? i dont think u r but hey ignorance come in any size rite? jaja
September 28th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
Wow. What a load of shit. :3 I love it. Haha.
I don’t know. The times are chaging. Kids aren’t like this anymore.
It a fad these days, instead of a music genre.
It’s pretty disappointing.
.___. Stupid kids.
Good work, you entertained me for a day. Haha.
I’m off to go cut myself with my toothbrush to Joy Divison, thanks.
October 5th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
This is a bunch of shit. Your making fun of other people’s pain and fustration. Not all emo kids are the same. There are some fakes but a lot of them are depressed. Its just a label, but still this is wrong. I am emo, i don’t give a damn what you think, but this shit is so wrong.
October 6th, 2008 at 11:58 pm
What the hell. This is just a load of bull. It just amazes me how people think that emos are all the same. Seriously this really pisses me off. Because One, the term “emo” is just a stereotype. And it doesn’t really matter on where we go for a date, as long as it’s not preppy and whatnot I’m fine. But seriously, we are not all like that people. So get your fucking head out of the gutters!
October 9th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
oh my gowd sooooo weird but at the same tym sexy idk y I think that but if you a guy wich u probably not but if u r than I luv u.
October 18th, 2008 at 3:15 am
hey my ex-gf was totally emo but omg she was so hot she took me 2 her house once and gave me head in the closet.. i was 14 and she was 13 at the time holy shit lol aite ill shut up now
October 27th, 2008 at 11:12 pm
stupid
November 2nd, 2008 at 3:45 pm
That’s horrible.
D:
November 3rd, 2008 at 9:14 pm
i love datin’ emo’z and numbr 1 u got 2 be real dhosebag,scenester and prik 2 get upset first of all because if u acutally call ur self emo thts like callin ur self white trash even though this shit is mean u got 2 be really retared 2 complian over this
November 4th, 2008 at 9:56 pm
boyfriend is so so so so so so so cutri
November 14th, 2008 at 11:00 pm
im emo myself but lmao that was funny but a bit harsh lol =]
bye.
November 22nd, 2008 at 1:13 am
is ridiculously sad how true that is
November 29th, 2008 at 4:10 am
lissen emos never take a girl to a funeral on the first date…. SOB* ive been to one….
December 5th, 2008 at 11:35 pm
Hey, not bad! I want an emo Boyfriend already! I love sad music!
December 9th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
this entire website is fucking stupid.#1:emo is a type of music emotive hardcore for those who don’t know.it stated in the late 1980 and early 1990s I believe. AND cutting isn’t something to make fun of by the way.neither is suicide,depression or any of that you decide to make fun of.just because your life may be full of sun shine and rainbows doesn’t mean everyone’s is.AND I’m not trying to speak for everyone. we should glue your face to your ass to illustrate you truly indeed suck ass.have a good fucking day asshole
December 22nd, 2008 at 11:36 pm
Most of that is not true. Im emo and so is my boyfriend, haydrin. We hav been together for a month and a half… We had our second date last night and we went to a grave yard… he ended up making out with the other emo dude there that was visting his girlfriends grave…. It was really hot… Then i ended up staying the night at his house… After we drank all his moms vodka(5 bottles) i frogot wat esle happend all i no is i woke up an half hour ago with a major head ache a hang over and i only had my bra on….. He is still asleep… And completly naked…..
December 24th, 2008 at 10:27 pm
i skip to the graveyard…thats the best place to go on a date
December 29th, 2008 at 3:58 pm
this website is stupid. im an emo and im damn proud. those idiots that freak out at movie theaters or watever the hell u were talking about are total posers. FAKES. most of u have no clue wat emo is. “none of your damn business”, “ayden”, and “Emoish_karlos” are probably the only ones with a brain here, apart from me. get a life ppl.
January 5th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
no offence but i’m an emo and what your saying here is kinda a load of bollocks cos we aint scred of the dark and yeah, so what if some people are claustrophobic. Emo is a form of music and you dont have to cut yourself. That is only people who are really depressed for their own reasons ok. but still it made me laugh at your attempts x
January 6th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
laughed my ass off
the sarcastic wording was excellent
lol at emos being afraid of the dark too
January 8th, 2009 at 4:06 am
This just shows how much of a life some of you people have. Most of the dumbasses here probably never even met a real emo if at all. Then theres those of you who laugh and say it’s true just to make your pathetic life seem better. Yes those of you know know who you are, just covering up for your own shitty lives.Those of you who try to define emo…quit it.Most who do most likely got that info from someone else who does’nt know shit.Anyway, it does’nt matter because it isn’t viewed the same anymore.
January 10th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
what the hell, anyone can cut themselves whether they are emo or not, and my mum works in the local hospital and i can tell you that there are more chavs coming in from trying to kill themselves than emos… in all the 5 years my mum has worked there not one emo has came in due to self harm… emos are people to and just because a prick like you decides to make fun of them die to their beliefs does not mean they’ll self harm… you’re not that special you know… why don’t you just get a life… retard
January 11th, 2009 at 10:27 am
HEEEEY PEOPLE… STOP CLAIMING YOUR EMO. IT’S ANNOYING… fer srs…
I seriously hate people who are all oike “Hey I’m emo and I’m offended…”
No…
You are not emo… annoying yes, but emo… no…
January 29th, 2009 at 5:01 am
People.. Just go with all this.. If you’re “emo” and offended you don’t gotta go and fuck the writer up the ass.. I am not emo, but i was still a little offended, but that’s what makes it funny.. If we laugh at ourselves we can accept ourselves, and it sounds like you emos are proud and accept yourselves, so just take the fuckin joke and stop rubbin nubs.. shitt
February 9th, 2009 at 12:36 am
i’m not emo or anything cuz of the name i used but i go to a graveyard and so do a bunch of my friends actually were preps and we have an emo friend who goes to the movies all the time she doesn’t cut herself or anything like that she is a regular person and she’s pritty cool.
February 9th, 2009 at 12:38 am
btw. i may not be emo but i almost killed myself so that just goes to show any one can have deppresion problems and yeah i have a friend who isn’t emo and she cuts herself cuz she’s deppresed otherwise all emos i know are regular people.
February 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm
dude… that was funny but yeah. Harsh… Isn’t this kinda stereotypical????
February 13th, 2009 at 6:48 am
wow that was a total stereotype u have no life and email me other people u sound awesome anyway yea i kan be depresing bt im mostly horny and i happen 2 love “emos” becuz i happen 2 get very horny from depression
February 13th, 2009 at 6:55 am
and i 4got 2 say nt every “emo” drinks fuckin vodka ur probly sum sad bitch who has no life stalks emos and u kan go fuck a dead dog and
February 19th, 2009 at 10:51 am
um….stereotypicist!!!!! looks like we have a clueless wannabe!!!
February 20th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
i an very emo Cause i got raped When i was 14And he really hurt me But i an getting better
February 20th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
lolz love this i jus broke up wiv my bf tho which is sad but ive moved on now lookin 4 an emo bf lolz graveyard sounds cool
nearly pissed myself laughin at the cinema bit tho
February 21st, 2009 at 12:40 pm
Graveyard is a really good place! Railway track not so much… He was depressing so I tried jumping off a bridge… Haha =]
Ledge stuff though!
February 24th, 2009 at 2:53 am
uhm………look…i would LOVE to have an emo boyfriend……..bcuz they listen to you…..and they actually do write songs or poems and i LOVE that fact……anw……..anyone who has a problem with emos……can keep on hating……and to emo-ish karlos: OMG!!!! HABLAS ESPANJOL????
February 24th, 2009 at 9:16 pm
Im emo and most of this stuff is not true. and i extremely agree with emo-ish_karlos and *Layly* they are def. right about all of this. i guess some people just think of one person, and have to think that just cause they did that. everyone is the same and that is untrue.
February 26th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
umm. if we cant learn 2 laugh at ourselves, wat can we do really? was kinda mean though.
February 27th, 2009 at 10:40 am
If all you emos out there are depressed why do you have to dress like girls for that? being emo is just an excuse to wear makeup. Being emo,scence or whatever has nothing with being depressed. You can be depressed without being emo, am i right? Suicide? Cutting your self? Weakness, that’s what it is, if you can’t hand living then just die? It’s simple. Suicide is the easy way out, instead of dealing with yer own problem you cut your self etc etc and boast about it, get real. Sort out your own mess and problems and fucking live your life.
February 27th, 2009 at 11:16 pm
It’s hilarious how some of these emokids are freaking out! lol
February 28th, 2009 at 4:02 am
i’m emoish 2 and ALL of my friends think ALL emo’s slit their wrists [proper term for it] i have this one friend who’s goth but cut’s herself[she's totally confused] and another one who is always hitting on everyone but she’s emo??? and then there’s this 1 chick who said she hates prep’s but she IS 1??? nw i’m confused [damn]
March 7th, 2009 at 11:35 pm
i have one thing to say about all of that,its a load of shit
March 12th, 2009 at 8:46 pm
This is crap. Emos are not the same. we are different! individuality bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 12th, 2009 at 8:49 pm
seb, shut the fuck up you dnt know what it means to be emo. suck a dick
March 13th, 2009 at 9:03 pm
man, u r mean, but true that, i hate fuckin scene peple. and fuckin preps. but anyway this was mean
March 20th, 2009 at 10:42 pm
lol I laughed my head off. so look im a scene girl, so im not emo or anything, but still, I have an emo guyfriend that would probably enjoy a football game more than any of that shit up there, but still its funny to read and btw i can imagine more of my prep friends doing most of this than any emo kid i know…
March 29th, 2009 at 4:28 am
ok first off this is a very stereotypical website, but it’s true we must laugh at ourselves every once in a while……. no i am not emo actually I’m goth :] lol
March 30th, 2009 at 11:37 pm
You are a biitch you dont seem to know anything about emos
Fuck yourself bitch!!!!!!!!
April 2nd, 2009 at 7:09 am
hey i dont get all emos dont have to cut themselfes i may not to a total freak cutting myself bt i love emos i may not even act lk a emo bt i dnt thnk any1 has the right to put other people down its a free country and we hv a right to live the way we want i dnt care wat people think of mine and i love the way i am…
April 14th, 2009 at 7:11 am
Im an emo girl, my bf is not. he first took me to an abandonded rail line…then the edge of a cliff…then the beach, which i hated, so we went in a cave and made out. latest date was a slipknot concert, that was awesome…love ya, steele! <3
April 21st, 2009 at 1:29 am
acfdsx
May 7th, 2009 at 6:12 pm
i love emos i am one and im only 9 lol
May 7th, 2009 at 6:13 pm
i am 9 and im a emo
May 13th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
lol ^^
lovin the sarcasm XD
stereotyped? yes. Insulting to emos? sure. still funny? hellz yeah.
May 17th, 2009 at 7:35 pm
pierson…. slipknot!! seriously!! u lucky bitch! my bf and me are emo our first date was his house
nothing happened that youve said… claustrophobic?? afraid of the dark are u frikin serious?? we didnt know we both were emos til we took our frikin jackets off anyways
May 18th, 2009 at 10:20 am
how about dating in live band concert?
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:08 am
omgg… poem + music is so romantic… jeez r u really a girl? i <3 ma hawt emo hubby (bf) =3<3
May 23rd, 2009 at 6:08 am
lol thats ma girl <3
May 27th, 2009 at 2:06 pm
Wtf? You No Nothing About Emo…
The Are Regular People
They Do Regular Things With Their Bf/Gf
Wtf? Intercourse On A Grave
BAHAHAHA
You Shit [:
x
Wadda Crap Website
x
May 27th, 2009 at 7:10 pm
tbh. i think wt ur sayin is a load of shitte. ive dated loads of emo guys. there perfectly normal people. i agree with ayden, most emos are depressed. they dnt do it for attention seeking. there just depressed. everybody gets depressed at some point. i know everyone has there own opinion but i think this is just a bitt to farr. its not fair on dem.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:55 am
WTF!!! lol whoever write this is an absoloute moron!!!
June 7th, 2009 at 10:15 am
this is so funny, it was really awesome, i hav an emo boyfriend…but…we haven’t been on the first date yet(don’t ask). I don’t look like an emo…but i do cut myself cuz of problems…thnx 4 putting this website up…its really funny and awesome
June 9th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
malls are fun too. especialy when you scare people in limitted too XD
June 11th, 2009 at 4:39 am
you guys r\are a bunch of ass holes!! you need to get a life
June 11th, 2009 at 9:20 am
hmmmmm…..ok i dont know who the fuck you are but im not sure if i wanna call you a fucking dumbass fag(no offense to the gays i have nothing against you)or to say that biggist load of fucking shit ive read in a long time first of all u dont have dates in graveyards dumbass you go there to respect to those that have died...also i have never drank glass and orange juice so for fuck sakes shut the fuck up you fucking bastard...once again sorry to the gays no offence meant...×.×
June 20th, 2009 at 5:27 am
well, this is defiantly interesting
im not emo first of all
labels in general are ery stupid
your not a can of soup
your a human being
and just because though some does call themselves emo doesnt mean ANYTHING above is true
idiotic abercrombie and hollister go-ers have some kind of sick and twisted image on emos and goths that they are ALL depressed and that they cause self injury
wow
okay first
i dont have one emo or goth friend who cuts them selve
ive never even heard of the shiz your talking about at the movies
the whole railroad tracks thing
frankly , that accually is a fun date weather you knwo it or not
i accually did a double date with my cousin ahd his gf today with my gf and it was so much fun
second of all, where is your honest to god, undeniable back up that this is true?
have you experinced it yourself? nope didnt think so
fight the power and seriously,
who the fuck takes this much time to make a website like this lol?
June 20th, 2009 at 6:07 am
I NEED A BOY FIREND BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 21st, 2009 at 10:23 am
LOL its because of websites like this that people think so badly of goths and emos, GOTHS AND EMOS ARE NOT (necessarily) DEPRESSED, its just a stereotype people!
June 22nd, 2009 at 9:15 pm
I would love to go a graveyard or an abandoned rail-line. Some people like that kind of stuff. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean that everyone has to hate with you. You’re a selfish person for putting up this website. Why would make a website that would hurt somebodys feelings. It’s a cruel to do to someone. What if somebody put up a website about you and people make fun of you about how you deal with shit? Would you like that? Do have feelings? You don’t know anything about emos. Probably because you don’t know what emo means.
July 8th, 2009 at 3:50 am
wow you really fucking suck dude you know nothing about emo or goth this bullshit on this website is all stereotypes. just because i cut doesnt mean i show it off to fuckin everyone especially not my girlfriend unless she asks. you fucking suck balls wow i am amazed at how retarded you are
July 9th, 2009 at 3:49 am
this is a fucking lie wtf is with thiss ppl.im emo n im nothing like that even though im a girl but the emo boys dont either i love emos all u preps need 2 go 2 hell n burn
July 9th, 2009 at 6:17 pm
all u people dont know how emos feel.not all emos cut themselves all emos r different and you shouldnt be talking shit about us im emo and im only 10!
July 10th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
all u f****** emo haters should stop what if someone else wrote hurtfull stuff about about all of u people.EMOS R PEOPLE 2 with felings im EMO myself and im ONLY 10. ALL THE THINGS THAT U HAVE SAID IS A PILE OF SHIT AND HURTFULL LIES !!!!!!!!!
July 11th, 2009 at 10:59 am
owwwww!!!it seems fun!!!!wis i had emo boyfriend……sigh…:(
July 12th, 2009 at 8:54 pm
some of this crap is acualy true!on my date with guy i went to his house and like twenty minutes in he pulled out a piece of glass and started carving my name into his arm!!!!but then again not all guys are like that.
July 13th, 2009 at 9:55 am
I LOVE this site! It’s hilarious. Your sense of humor rocks! This justifies everything you say:
emoish_karlos Says:
September 15th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
lol wow ok 1st of all sum of this is crap and i would be mad but its stupidly funny yeah funny. it still amuzes me how one person can be so ignorant into thinking all emos are the same, i dont like to cut myself, i do look emo most of the time except when theres a party then im into anythin it has class, second not all emos have to have blk hair, sum dye it of diferent colors sure blk cuz it goes with evrythin, and last emos have been really popular and its growing and soon we will make our empire take over, cuz the revolution its comin and we emos are ready, are u? i dont think u r but hey ignorance come in any size rite? jaja
LOL!
July 27th, 2009 at 4:00 am
ok 1st off, if u know so much about emos u must wanna b 1 of us….yup u do cus u have no life so u wanna mess ourz!ugly fuck! ur a nasty, stupid, trashy, lifeless,bitchass cun…..every1 hatez u, god hatez u, ur mother hatez u, WE hate u….so uh fuck off