How Can I Get An Emo Boyfriend - The Best Dating Advice Ever
So I’m guessing if you’re reading this you are eager to attract an emo boy into your life. Fair enough. Here are some steps you can take to improve your chances of landing an emo.
- Never shave your armpits. According to a recent survey conducted by Richard Dawkins 96% of all emo men are seriously attracted to armpit hair. I knew a guy who lived down the road who used to keep shavings of his mothers armpit hair under his pillow. And he was a right emo freak.
- Get as many tattoos as you possibly can.
- Start cussing in front of elderly people. Emo men love women who disrespect seniors. Old people are conformists. They’ve conformed to life for too long. Otherwise how else would they have survived?
- Breastfeed anything that you encounter in public. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dog, cat or an alligator. Whip out your baps in public and let the critter latch onto your nozzles. Emo men love women who are in tune with nature.
- Urinate in public as much as possible. This is kinda similar to the one in above. Emos are attracted to petty criminals, especially those who have committed many public indecency misdemeanors.
- Never think for yourself. Why? Well all emo men are control freaks. They seldom respect a womans right to vote. In fact they only appear sensitive to reel you into their world of deceit. If they could they’d only let you out for “walks” like a dog. There was a case of this in England. Look at the picture below if you don’t believe me.
- Attack smokers in public. It’s anti-emo to smoke and you must enforce this stance as much as possible in public. A good way to attract an emo man is to buy a newspaper, roll-it-up, visit the local hospital and attack as many of the smokers who are standing outside as possible. You’ll earn extra admiration from the emo if you smash the cigarette out of the persons mouth.
- Attend church regularly. This is surprisingly where most young emo males hang out. In fact Gerald Way is lobbying the Senate to ban anyone from joining the Emo Cult if they do not believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins. Carry a bible with you everywhere too. It might come in handy if you need to attack smokers like I outlined in Number 7.
- Get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead. Why? Well emo males are notoriously poor at judging a womans sexuality from afar. By getting a penis tattoo on your head you’re making it known that you are a heterosexual. Make sure that the tattoo depicts a very hairy member so to quell any doubts in the emos mind that you may be a lesbian.
- Eat meat. There’s nothing more offputting to an emo male than vegetarianism. Emo guys especially love women who have the guts to kill and eat live cows in the field.
- Never exercise your right to vote, but if you must, vote Republican. Emo men are notoriously right wing and are extremely suspicious (as they should be) of liberals.
September 17th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Is this how you get your emo boyfriend? I gotta say, your pretty good =)
But heres some better advice:
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GET A LIFE.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
ok…do you really want to know how to get a emo boyfriend?
be yourself emo guys are the unormal virson of a normal guy….they want a girlfriend that is real and true to herself…… and maybe a litttle emo themselves..
they are great guys
all they want is to be loved in a true way
January 6th, 2009 at 8:33 am
this is kinda crap no offence n i agree with BROKEN INTO A MILLION PIECES: be yourself, it’s easier and if you happen to have an emo boyfriend, they are really understanding cos they are emotional as well enit so yeah. maybe you need more realistic and better tips sorryy x
February 15th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
I’ve tried all these tips and it’s still not working!
;[
-Cuts wrist-
February 21st, 2009 at 2:24 am
seriously person…you suck!![that big penis on your forehead!]to get a emo boyfriend just try to be friends with them first.take it slow.unless they actually want to be with you they will ask you.having a big penis on your forehead is stupid and immature!not shaving your armpits is gross and unsanitary!noone would like that i mean come on!!!who are you gonna believe this person writing crap or me? a person who gets labeled “emo”about 50 times a day?
March 5th, 2009 at 2:12 am
YOU FUCKING SUCK!!!!
March 5th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Ponies and rainbows….. i concur
(agree)
March 18th, 2009 at 10:53 pm
This is CRAP all of it!!!!!
March 24th, 2009 at 11:59 am
WoW that was…………CRAP!!!!
March 30th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
You are the dumbest person alive! U need to just quite talk shit about emo’s cause they are nicer than you are. They do not need one-hunderd tats to find a mate! N the pic you had was not emo is wat Goth so check your shit before you say this sutff! Emo boys are nice!
April 1st, 2009 at 10:58 am
ok so im emo and i want a emo boyfriend but theres not much guys that i know that are emo and that i like so now where do i find a perfect emo guy? coz i met this one guy that likes me but u see hes not emo and he told me he’d turn emo jst to be with me… Wat should i do?
May 6th, 2009 at 1:24 am
OMFG! WATZ WRONG WITH YOU U BUTTWIPE!! EMO GUYZ ARE NOT ALL LIKE THIS THERE NOT THAT BAD!! AND TELLING AGIRL TO GET A TATTOO OF A PENIS.. IN HER FOREHEAD!!!!!!!!!!! U PERV!!!! GO GET A LIFE U ASSHOLE!!!!
May 10th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I think the one who wrote this is idiot. The photo when there is man controlling girl (like a dog) has NOTHING to do with emos. I am not emo, but I can say from the first sight those are goth. So go on toilet mastubarting and please don´t try to write about things you understand just shit:-)
May 28th, 2009 at 7:28 pm
everything that disgusts me…… and im a boy
June 1st, 2009 at 6:34 pm
razorbladecupcake and broken into a million pieces are so right! thats how i got my emo boyfriend and he is the sweetest guy around! he understands me and loves me for me. so the person who wrote this, you’re shit! and people who make fun of us should get to know us, fuck off asshole! you obv dont even know what an emo is as thats a photo of a goth ya twat.
June 1st, 2009 at 6:36 pm
And Baba-Loo…if you like him then let him turn emo…we are awesome :]
June 11th, 2009 at 6:52 am
This guy and girl are not EMO….They are Gothic couple….OMG..You even don’t know who the hell are emos,but u like to judge..First of all just get self a book and learn about who are emos,and who are not….
June 28th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
woah, seriously, are all these people commenting on here saying that its crap being serious? cant they see its a JOKE. woah manim shocked that people think this is serious. get a life and a sense of humor. this was hillarious.
July 12th, 2009 at 2:04 am
this is all fucking shittt!! no1 wants any girl to do any of that shit!
July 15th, 2009 at 8:29 pm
u are a moran what guy would like this crap they r right just be your self and at the rioght time in the right way it will happen
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asshole