How Can I Get An Emo Boyfriend - The Best Dating Advice Ever
So I’m guessing if you’re reading this you are eager to attract an emo boy into your life. Fair enough. Here are some steps you can take to improve your chances of landing an emo.
- Never shave your armpits. According to a recent survey conducted by Richard Dawkins 96% of all emo men are seriously attracted to armpit hair. I knew a guy who lived down the road who used to keep shavings of his mothers armpit hair under his pillow. And he was a right emo freak.
- Get as many tattoos as you possibly can.
- Start cussing in front of elderly people. Emo men love women who disrespect seniors. Old people are conformists. They’ve conformed to life for too long. Otherwise how else would they have survived?
- Breastfeed anything that you encounter in public. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dog, cat or an alligator. Whip out your baps in public and let the critter latch onto your nozzles. Emo men love women who are in tune with nature.
- Urinate in public as much as possible. This is kinda similar to the one in above. Emos are attracted to petty criminals, especially those who have committed many public indecency misdemeanors.
- Never think for yourself. Why? Well all emo men are control freaks. They seldom respect a womans right to vote. In fact they only appear sensitive to reel you into their world of deceit. If they could they’d only let you out for “walks” like a dog. There was a case of this in England. Look at the picture below if you don’t believe me.
- Attack smokers in public. It’s anti-emo to smoke and you must enforce this stance as much as possible in public. A good way to attract an emo man is to buy a newspaper, roll-it-up, visit the local hospital and attack as many of the smokers who are standing outside as possible. You’ll earn extra admiration from the emo if you smash the cigarette out of the persons mouth.
- Attend church regularly. This is surprisingly where most young emo males hang out. In fact Gerald Way is lobbying the Senate to ban anyone from joining the Emo Cult if they do not believe that Jesus Christ died for our sins. Carry a bible with you everywhere too. It might come in handy if you need to attack smokers like I outlined in Number 7.
- Get a tattoo of a penis on your forehead. Why? Well emo males are notoriously poor at judging a womans sexuality from afar. By getting a penis tattoo on your head you’re making it known that you are a heterosexual. Make sure that the tattoo depicts a very hairy member so to quell any doubts in the emos mind that you may be a lesbian.
- Eat meat. There’s nothing more offputting to an emo male than vegetarianism. Emo guys especially love women who have the guts to kill and eat live cows in the field.
- Never exercise your right to vote, but if you must, vote Republican. Emo men are notoriously right wing and are extremely suspicious (as they should be) of liberals.
September 17th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
Is this how you get your emo boyfriend? I gotta say, your pretty good =)
But heres some better advice:
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GET A LIFE.
September 26th, 2008 at 5:41 pm
ok…do you really want to know how to get a emo boyfriend?
be yourself emo guys are the unormal virson of a normal guy….they want a girlfriend that is real and true to herself…… and maybe a litttle emo themselves..
they are great guys
all they want is to be loved in a true way