How To Be An Emo Guitarist And Play Emo Guitar Like Pete Wentz.
It’s breathtakingly easy to be an emo guitarist. The most important step is to never learn how to play your instrument properly. This makes lessons or instruction videos a no-no. Why give in to authority and learn scales or chords when you can make up your own ones? The same goes for tunings. Once you have your guitar fiddle as much as possible with the tuning pegs to create your own unique sound. Kids across the country will be using your tunings to create their own songs in 25 years time.
Secondly, be sure to play the guitar how you want to play it. For example why hold the guitar the right way around when you can hold it upside down? If anyone calls you an idiot for holding it like this they have been brainwashed by the thought police. Instead of using a pick to strum the strings why not use a razor blade, hedgehog or toothbrush?
Start to write songs the moment you pick up the guitar. Record every tune you create and send it to all of the people on your MSN list. If anyone criticises your music, call them a nazi and put them on Block. Remember that if you’re ever feeling distressed that you can use the guitar as a tool of self harm. If everyone thinks your music sucks, invite them to hang out, bring your guitar with you and start smashing yourself over the head with it until both your head and guitar is caved in.
Remember to spend more time decorating your guitar than actually playing it. Be sure to cover the body of the guitar completely in emo band stickers as it’s crucial that the world knows who exactly you’re influenced by. Also ask a friend to take photographs of you holding your guitar in your bedroom. In these photos be sure to pull your best ’serious sex face’ for each picture. Wear your sisters clothing during these sessions and as much makeup you can fit onto your face.
Follow all of this advice and you’re well on your way to being a world class emo guitarist!
