How To Be Emo Without Scaring Your Parents
Life sucks when you want to be a full on emo kid. Your parents are so uptight that you’re fully expecting them to crap their pants the next time you tell them of your latest suicide ploy, involving freezing yourself to death in the refrigerator. Anyway here are some tips on how to be emo but at the same time not totally freak out your parents.
- Stop announcing your suicide plans publicly, especially if you’re only bluffing. Parents can be understandably very stressed out if they think something is going to happen to you.
- Wear a black bucket over your head constantly and smear the words “Seriously, I’m alright! Over it with red lipstick!”. If your parents challenge you, start smacking your hand off the side of your head like The Rain Man
- Don’t self harm. I know this totally goes against the Church of Emo but scars are easily visible and they frighten the hell out of caring relatives. If you must self harm, stick a form up your noise or wipe your ass on a cactus.
- Only listen to Emo music through headphones. If your parents where to hear My Chemical Romance, Aiden or Fall Out Boy at full blast for 18 hours a day they’ll start to realise that you’re suicidal for being able to put up with that trash for so long.
- Stop talking to yourself all of the time. Especially if you’re repeating mantras like “I’m worthless”, “Nobody loves me” or “My balls hurt” every five minutes.
- Take up smoking. Do this specifically if you haven’t announced to your parents that you’re emo and you know that they’ll freak out. You need to calm your own nerves after all. And smoking makes you more like a rockstar. Particularly when your teeth turn yellow and start to fall out like Amy Winehouse.
- If you must cross dress and are a guy, do not wear any of your dead relatives clothing. Particularly if they’ve only recently dyed and you’re trying to convince yourself to tie dye their clothes black.
February 16th, 2009 at 11:02 pm
what the fuck is your problem? this is dumb bull and it seems to me like you’re against emotional people…I wish people wouldn’t actually blog or post crap about our lifestyle…
June 24th, 2009 at 4:04 am
Whats wrong wit u? Ru against emos- who would ever do tht how can u tell some one to smoke thast a lie tht doesnt make some one cool thats bad i wont do tht …..>=|
July 30th, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I hate my mom she says she will put me back in D.C.P. and i wanna be Emo but she hates it not only it she hates me i would give anything to live with my Father he is reasonable he isn’t anything like my mom plz help me i wanna be Emo but i can’t b/c of my mom