How To Convert A Friend From Emo
It’s crap to see a friend turn Emo when you can see them wasting away before your eyes and cutting themselves with anything they can find in the street. There are sadly no surefire ways of deconverting an emo immediately as they are that brainwashed. However all hope is not lost! There are a number of things you can try to de convert your Emo.
- Lightly type them on the head with a hammer. I’m not suggesting a full on smack, rather a friendly tap as if you were trying to hammer in a small screw into a piece of wood.
- Record videos of the emo at their gloomiest and play them back to him when he is perfectly sober. There is a vague chance that they’ll have an epiphany and say something like “Shit, is that how I really act?”. Be sure to emphasise that this isn’t the worst of their behavior.
- Continually pay them compliments until their head explodes and they revert back to normality. Emo’s aren’t used to compliments so too many of them at once can overload their minds causing them to immediately turn their back on their old gloomy ways.
- Warn the Emo that everytime they cut themselves you’ll cut yourself too but only twice as deep. This will make the Emo consider their actions more deeply unless they are really selfish and just continue to cut anyway. Which will be how most Emos respond.
- Create a false expose on Gerard Way or Pete Wentz showing them up to be Nazi Symphaziers who hate gays, vote Republican and eat at McDonalds 50 times a week. If they don’t believe you then cram the report down their mouth and force them to eat it. Not because it’ll deconvert them, but because it would be hilarious.
It’s up to you as a friend of an Emo to deconvert them as quickly as possible. Our streets are already full to bursting with all of these miserable gits and we need to put a stop to them ASAP.
