Emo Children - How To Tell If Your Child Is Emo
There are many tell tale signs that as a parent you should look out for in your child. I’ve made a short list of them here.
- Does your child spent most of his days staring into the mirror scratching at invisible pimples? If he comes across a pimple does he lose his mind and begin smashing his head against the mirror until it’s broken into smithereens?
- Is he writing shockingly bad poetry about how his nightmares and his longing to be under the ground? Has he stopped brushing his teeth in order to look more like Thom Yorke?
- Did your wife breast feed your child up until the age of 8? Was she still walking him to school as a teenager? Is he still shitting the bed every night for no apparent reason even though he’s nearly an adult?
- Does your child have scars on his forehead? Emos have to carve in a secret message into their forehead in order to be accepted into the emo cult. Forehead scars are the single surest sign that your child is an emo.
- Is your child hanging around with people who look like vampires (i.e. pale, gaunt dorks who seem to be afraid of the sunlight?). Does he invite these friends around for dinner often and when at the table do they refuse to make eye contact with you or anyone else outside their group?
- Is your child prone to severe mood swings over the most miniscule of problems? For example if you brought home a type of cereal from the mall that he did not like?
- Are your middle class? Do you treat your child fairly and kindly? Do you believe that disciplining your child physically is wrong? If you’ve answered yes to any of these then it’s possible that your child is an emo.
If you discover that your child is an emo then intervention is the best policy. Leaving your child to be an emo will have shockingly grim ramifications for his future. For example he’ll be 665% more likely to drop out of high school and join the army. He’ll be 2550% less likely to shower at least 5 times a year.
November 2nd, 2008 at 10:19 pm
nice well acually i shower all the time so your kindof incorrect
November 18th, 2008 at 12:46 am
what the hell dude. i am emo, i cut, but not my damn forehead, and i shower every damn day, u know NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHINg about emos so stop fucking posting about them you idjit. and by the way, you cant buy cereal at the mall. most emos become emos by a traumatizing thing that has happened to them sometime in their past, like a death of a close family member or something like that, and they cut themselves for physical pain to try to get rid of the menatl pains theyve gone through. ok? so u can just shut your effing mouth about emos!!!!!!!!!!!!
November 23rd, 2008 at 12:45 am
it’s lies because I’m emo too and I don’t cut myself.Your only posting things that what you think it’s ture but it may not be. There like that because they pick to. Maybe because something happened to them in the past or something else.
December 4th, 2008 at 2:52 am
i fucking agree w/ myopinion. he/she says it all!!
December 17th, 2008 at 1:08 pm
thanks emily
December 28th, 2008 at 3:39 am
WTF umm i happen to shower and brush my teeth everyday i was never breast fed i walk myself to and from school i don’t shit the bed 90% of teenagers flip out if they have a zit look at a teenage girl who is really preppy she stands in front of a mirror for hours i don’t carve “messages” into my forehead and the poetry isn’t bad its a way to express emotion AND my friends and i are always outside so shut up you have no idea what your talking about
January 7th, 2009 at 8:39 pm
ok what the fuck ever you dumb ass. i shower every god damn day, and brush my teeth you faggot. you know nothing and should stop posting shit about stuff you dont ever know
January 15th, 2009 at 1:25 am
Unless you know actual facts, let’s not share your dreams. None of that shit is true, fuck the haters.
Atreyu - Blow.
Haters, get that message across. If you can figure out how to use the internet properly.
January 25th, 2009 at 1:57 am
Kay fuck i cut myself and i have a shower every fucking day AND i brush my teeth twice a day so shut the fuck up unless you know the facts!
January 31st, 2009 at 10:58 pm
That is ABSOULUTE BULLS**T!!!!!I shower everyday!I brush my teeth twice a day, I don’t carve messages into my head, our poetry is about emotions and how we feel, we don’t s**t the f**king bed, I don’t hit my head against the mirror if I find a spot/pimple/zit/watever, that cereal thing is bulls**t too, and I hang out with ‘normal’ people too, not just fellow emos. U F**KING IDIOT!!!
P.S. Emo and f**king proud to be.
February 19th, 2009 at 12:12 pm
what the hell man i dont care if you talk about emo just make it true! You make me want 2 strangle you. I hope u become emo!!! So fuuuck yooouu
February 19th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
ffuuuuucckkk yyooouuu u stupid ass mother fucker!!!!
March 10th, 2009 at 2:35 pm
Chill out people.. this was written for amusement not written in stone as facts..
March 17th, 2009 at 12:09 pm
you fagget now my mom hates me cuz she read this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
March 23rd, 2009 at 1:50 pm
to everyone who has said “lolz wTF D00d i am 3mo but i show3r 3v3rday dun makez fun of m3″
you are posers.
you are lame.
real “emos” do not call attention to it.
they do not go around insisting
“i am emo!”
so stfu.
you’re fat.
all of you.
April 14th, 2009 at 10:55 pm
um…wtf? xD
May 23rd, 2009 at 7:41 pm
That lolcat is my icon on the FOB website. 0.0
June 17th, 2009 at 4:43 pm
first of all jackass,usually people outgrow being “Emo”.intervention is not always the best thing.it can just make the situation worse.sometimes the best thing to do is just let the child deal with things the best they can,and if it means cutting or being”Emo” then just let them be them.
June 20th, 2009 at 6:01 am
But I kinda find this funny. And all of u guys get soooo worked Up over the most stupid stuff. Who cares what this guy says he’s just joking around dam. Also you guys that say your emo sorry but stupid. Emo Is a genre of music. So saying your emo is just absured. If you cut yourself you are looking for attention And you knw it. I can say that because I used too do it. And sorry there isn’t a dam reason for you too cut. Your friend died ok I’m sorry so did mine. I don’t cut. You were raped well fuk so was I. Your bf dumped u. Been there done that. Your parents died. I have friends who have and there fine. Becuzz they have good friends. There’s not a dam reason in this world ppl should cut your just an attention whore if you do. So ya no one is emo your just emotionally disturbed or looking for attention. Or even want to be different. But it not frekin emo.
June 24th, 2009 at 2:27 am
lol… i found this funny…. i’m sorry guys but have some fun.
June 29th, 2009 at 10:46 pm
dude this is stupid. go choke on a brick.
July 16th, 2009 at 5:48 am
What faggots calling themselves emos…
You ant getting attention you newfaggot posers…
Seriously go get a life instead of acting like a happy dumb fuck and saying you’re emo GTFO of life and go di in a hole…
Everyone is saying “WTF I take showers everyday” this is meaning you’re calling yourself an emo but also being a faggot ass poser…
~LoLo
July 16th, 2009 at 7:01 am
i think this is funny.
im not emo but i have learned something.
dont callout emos on a blog.
they spend several hours a day here and know the territory well and are ready to tell you how much they hate you for the smallest thing on there holy ground.
July 28th, 2009 at 10:00 pm
look bitches nothing of this is true ! i am emo too ! i jsut like dark things and im very emotional ! i dont cut myself ! thats all the satanics cuz they give blood to satan so keep yalls fuckin opinions about emos to yourself ! damn and the moan here not funny whore. alright bitch !
August 2nd, 2009 at 12:49 am
Lol fucking emo’s,its a joke stop crying over something thats ment to have some sarcasm in it.Get a damn life you attention seeking,suicidal bullshit whores.