How To Tell Your Family You Are Emo
So you’re ready to come out of the Emo closet? Well then it’s time to get your crap together and prepare yourself for the worst. Especially if you life in Montana. Fortunately, these 5 tips will dramatically reduce the probability of your father hammering you to death with a jar full of Mayo just for being “one of those queers”.
- Tell your mother at the most sensitive moment possible, preferrably when she’s sitting on the toilet growling like a cat chewing on a plastic bag. She’ll be kindly receptive of your news.
- Run into your crowded dinner area with your arm covered in red lipstick screaming “Mom! Dad! I’m bleeding to death!”. When they realise that you’re only joking, tell them that you are actually Emo and they’ll just be relieved that you haven’t actually cut yourself to ribbons.
- If your family is religious, tell them about your conversion to the way of Emo just before Church. Tell them that you never intend on going to Church again because Jesus is an avid emo hater.
- The worst thing you can do is be subtle with your choice of lifestyle. Once you’re ready to tell the family about your new life, do it in style. If you’re a boy, buy a black bra and cut nipple holes out of it. Strip naked and then slap the bra on. Now color in your nipples with red lipstick and be sure that your boob ends are hanging out of the bra before charing towards your family wailing “Mama! Papa! Do ya like ma cherries?!!?!?”
- Leave your family obvious clues around the house. Why not paint your garage door with the word’s “GUESS WOT MOM I’M EMO LOLLERSKATES” in your own excrement.
March 22nd, 2009 at 8:22 pm
emo people has so many problems GET A LIFE NOW
May 28th, 2009 at 4:49 am
LOL.
….
duck face.
My mom calls me emo every two seconds and it’s annoying. And she says it in a weird english accent, too.
And then she randomly says “Look at my son over there, he wants to be just like pete wentz when he grows up!”
*note: I’m a girl.