Joy Division Are Probably the Worst Band Ever.
Let’s get this straight, Ian Curtis did not die for my sins. He was a skinny, pale, tory emo who couldn’t sing a goddamn note. His band, Joy Division (and their later incarnation New Order) sucked ass. Here’s why….
The band only recorded two albums, both of which were extremely dull. The aptly named ‘Unknown Pleasures’ is as stimulating as a crap in a park on a Sunday. There isn’t anything remotely worth listening to on it. The guitar in ‘Disorder’ sounds like the agonizing wails of a kitten being circumcised inside a Pringles tube. ‘New Dawn Fades’ is a pointless experiment in reverberation and inarticulate angst (oh how I wish Ian had used a loaded gun to good effect before writing this lyric.). The rest of the album is just forgettable. The production’s awful. And the sleeve is just plain stupid and paved the way for an endless stream of minimalist crap from the art-school brigade.
As for their masterpiece ‘Closer’, it’s just grim. And not in a good way. ‘Atrocity Exhibition’ is another aptly titled track which paves the way for what’s to come. It’s obvious that by this point in time, Ian Curtis had given up on life. Why couldn’t the band have disbanded after Unknown Pleasures? It sold about 50 copies and these were all snapped up by art students who didn’t really know any better.
Curtis, about to launch another unprovoked attack on an audience member.
If you’re familiar with the band at all you’ll know that Ian was famous for his ‘dancing’ on-stage. When he became excited he’d start jumping around like a retard, banging into the drum-kit and would then start abusing the crowd. He was almost like GG Allin without any of the entertainment value. If the band played a poor concert (which was ALWAYS the case….just listen to any of their bootlegs for Christ’s sake) Curtis would go mental and throw himself about onstage even more than usual before beating the shit out of someone in the audience.
I’m starting to run out of things to write about, they were really that insignificant. I can’t believe all of these bands who view them with such reverence. Interpol are obviously miles better than Joy Division ever were. At least Paul Banks can sing for gods sake! And their albums generally don’t suck (as much as JD’s anyway).
This picture encapsulates the Joy Division experience perfectly. It says to me ‘Yes our music is gray, angsty shit written especially for and by people who don’t know how to dress themselves properly”. I mean Barney looks like an office temp here. He probably should have stayed in the civil service as he was (and still is) extremely talentless (unless you consider downing 50 pints of lager and 5 kebabs a talent). He couldn’t play the guitar at all and looked like a right dolt on-stage (he used to hold his guitar up to just below his neckline, just so he didn’t mess up more than 100 times in each song).
Hooky would have been better off as a bouncer. His bass-playing style is instantly forgettable. Any dumbass can play high on the neck. It’s easier y’know? The frets aren’t so wide and you can go mental! And it doesn’t take a genius to play a bass like a guitar. Anyone can do that. He should have spent more time on shaving than on honing his own stage poses which just make him look like a constipated fat ape with a bad back.
So if anyone tries telling you Joy Division were the best band ever, tell them to piss off! If there was any justice in this world they would have been condemned to Rock’s Room 101, 25 years ago. They are without merit and if you think differently then you know absolutely nothing about music. If you want to argue about this come to the forum. I’ll give you a good dressing down and get you listening to some proper music!
October 25th, 2007 at 12:57 am
They don’t suck, you probably never heard them before.
February 7th, 2008 at 6:25 pm
Anyone whos states “Joy Division sucked ass” is obviously a teenager american who know little or nothing of the larger impact ian curitis and joy division and factory records as a whole have had on the post punk scence in manchester and in general.
Furthermore JDs “angst ridden lyrics” contain a deep insight into the nature of depression and the sheer hopelessness of 70s england which would be incomprehensible to an american of your age.
May 10th, 2008 at 6:22 pm
you sir, are retarded.
and perhaps you should return to rock music 101, or whatever uneducated hole you’ve been exploring.
Whether you think they suck or not is irrelevant, in the very least make the argument interesting. Perhaps by comparing who they ripped off, or who of their contemporaries are better and perhaps ignored? Anything?
In the spirit of your argument…
you fucking suck, for no other reason than I think so.
May 11th, 2008 at 1:31 am
who ever wrote this is an absolute gimp who has no idea of good music, sort it out..
June 8th, 2008 at 6:43 pm
Cunt.
July 1st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
after I listened to them for years, I have come to the conclusion that you are right. Joy Division was a band that glorified death and feeling sorry for yourself.
July 4th, 2008 at 9:06 pm
joy division is the most utterly overrated piece of shite band in the history of music. their music makes me want to drown myself in barry manilow records, slit my wrists with a guitar string, and gouge my eyes out using a rusty spoon. the music, the lyrics, the melody, the vocals are downright depressing and horrendous. joy division makes james blunt look like the beatles. you wanna know a truly inspiring Manchester band? go have a listen to the smiths. at least they don’t make you want to hang yourself with a telephone chord.
July 8th, 2008 at 4:07 am
Yeah, this guy’s right, this band does suck ass. I mean, hell, where’s the instrumental talent? The guitar sucks, and the bass is mediocre at best. Curtis’s voice is so terrible it’s not even funny. As far as the lyrics go, eh. I mean, they’re not the worst thing in the world, but hell they’re nowhere near great. All the fuckin guy did was just write about how much his life sucked… you’re the one who cheatyed on your girlfriend asswhipe…
July 12th, 2008 at 4:03 am
Joy Division did completely suck. They paved the way to shittiest decade of music. No-talent, idiotic noise coupled with stupid haircuts and embarassing Fag-o danceathons.
I am so happy that this genre of music is
dead - whatever the hell the label was.
July 13th, 2008 at 10:25 am
how the fuck can you say that joy division are the worst band ever, you are sicker than the bastard who stole his grave stone
BASTARD
July 13th, 2008 at 10:26 am
youre obviously a complete and utter cunt
July 27th, 2008 at 5:37 am
I’d like to know your answer to the “greatest band ever.” After what you’ve said above, I’m sure I’d laugh and call your response the worst band ever instead.
August 1st, 2008 at 8:32 am
Well, I can’t say that Joy Division is the worst band ever, that’s giving them far too much credit!
Joy Divion is a peculiar band. No, they don’t have skin splitting guitar shredding, no, Ian Curtis doesn’t have a beautiful swooning voice.
With music, it’s all your own.
I think his voice is very trance-like. People like you who are that concerned with how a person’s singing voice sounds probably listens to a lot of mainstream shit. Someone’s voice isn’t the only thing that makes the music! It’s the passion behind it, it’s the combination of the instruments, and the feeling the audiences get after it.
If you think this music is suicidal, gosh, was it because it was written by a suicidal man?
Go fuck off.
Your argument was very petty and unresearched.
August 1st, 2008 at 2:01 pm
My argument was amazing. Thanks.
August 12th, 2008 at 8:05 pm
Your clearly some sort of American, who evidently knows nothing. If you hate them so much, why the fuck go to so much effort.
How very rude.
August 13th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
What a twat, how can you say all that. Who do you listen too? Shitty American punk pop i bet. Joy Division’s music although not very complicated is compiled together very well and sounds amazing, the lyrics are probaly some of the best lyrics ever written, the voice gives an image of a man giving his all into the music that he loved so dearly, and as for saying both album were bad and even slagging the album sleeve off, what did you want ? A picture of four men, like most emo bands would do today. The two albums are some of the best music ever created, if you don’t like it, thats fair enough, but to say they are the worst band ever is just an insult.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:17 am
Jon you’ve still gotta accept that Joy Division were fucking awful. Have you even listened to Digital? Jesus fuck! I could write a better song with my asshole.
August 14th, 2008 at 12:55 am
I can’t accept there awful cos they are not. Digital is an awesome song, just a song to go crazy too. Im not saying there the best band ever, but they are up there with the best and they are one of the most influential, wasnt for them you wouldnt have The smiths, therefore have no Stone Roses and then you wouldnt have no Oasis, then todays music would not be the same.
August 14th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Apologies. I sucks cocks.
August 14th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
HAHA..
Joy division could not sing, could not write, could not play guitar, (drums were fine though ^^)..
I will give you that they were influential, but roses are grown from shit.. does that make shit great? No it doesnt, shit is still shit, no matter what it helps create.
August 26th, 2008 at 11:58 am
I was the one that stole Ian’s tombstone. If you notice across the street, we were running out of stone for the concrete to pave the roads, sorry, didn’t realize he was that important.
September 12th, 2008 at 10:52 pm
ach joy(less) division are the most depressing dirge producing band that ever existed, not eveyrone wants to be sung into a deep coma
September 12th, 2008 at 11:50 pm
Joy Division was important - but obviously, you weren’t there then so you don’t really know. They were fabulous and we loved them - what ever words we can use to discuss them now are irrelevant though - they were a part of a time and flowed with that time. they were texture.. you don’t get it. It’s okay. Not everyone gets it - but you are wrong.
September 15th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
fuck emo fuck emo fuck emo fuck emo fuck emo..long live JD!
September 17th, 2008 at 2:24 am
it’s fag like you that fucking love pieces of shit music that is considered classic. Fucking know your facts before you rip on Joy Division. You fucking daft cunt
September 28th, 2008 at 12:27 am
no, you have to admit that they are terrible! they produce funerial dirge, so what if the music i like to day isnt branded a classic because the frontman isnt a suicidal epileptic wierdo, they suck, they cant play, curtis cant sing and they make people want to do a cobain. they are terrible, if given a choice id rather let myra hindley babysit mt kids than listen to them
October 23rd, 2008 at 4:55 am
I really, but really wish you, little idiot, to have a terribly painfull dead, and that,at your funeral, your fatass mother play a JD album, then she could hang herself if she wants!
I really would like to know what music you listen, cos you americans are icapable of making any good one. All your “biggest” or classic bands are one worst than the other, I mean, we all know nobody likes americans, but you could at least make something good to prove that “best country in the world” stat.
Cheers!
PD: Interpol??? hahahahahah, hahahahah you made me laugh really hard pal Interpol hahahaha