- Live past the age of 27.
- Go a day without crying at the beauty of nature and the inhumanity of man.
- Admit that you're straight.
- Listen to music that does not sound like various barnyard animals being brutally sodomised by a banjo.
- Eat meat!
- Support the troops in Iraq!
- Use razors solely for removing body hair.
- Wash more than 10 times a year.
- Contemplate cutting your fringe.
- Refrain from attracting the opposite sex by showing off your self-harm scars.
- Abstain from sex.
- Abstain from alcohol!
- Avoid setting up a three-chord garage tribute band to My Chemical Romance or Boy Out Fall.
- Actually learn to play the guitar competently.
- Admit that you aren't really related to Pete Wentz.
- Die without having tried suicide at least once.
- Die without having tried Prozac.
- Die having actually worked a day in your life.
- Die without having contemplated castration on at least 30 different occasions.
- Write poetry without alluding to "blood", "tears", "alienation", "whiskey" or the "the night".
- Go a day without reminding everyone around you that "We're all gonna die".
- Sign into MSN with your real name instead of a daft Pete Wentz quote.
- Arrive at a gig less than a week before it's due to start.
- Leave a gig less than a week after it finishes, unless you've managed to acquire an autograph/body part from the band in question.
- Be seen to be enjoying yourself in a nightclub/bar.
- Go a day without reminding your parents about how open minded you really are.
- And then fail to reprimand them for wearing boring, generic clothes and being just another cog in the machine.
- Admit that you actually love your family!
- Spend a whole day outside during the summer.
- Actually love where you live!
- Be a patriot.
- Read "Catcher In The Rye" before saying that you have.
- Never attempt to write a thinly veiled rip-off of Lord and the Rings.
- Defend the Christian religion fiercely, placing Godly tracts in copies of Richard Dawkins ‘The God Delusion’ in Barnes & Noble
- Believe in the afterlife in any capacity.
- Defend yourself when you’re being beaten up.
- Join the army!
- Fart in public and laugh!
- Go a night without vomiting like a big girl after drinking.
- Go a night without whimpering down the phone to your lover.
- Start a campaign to exterminate all cats in your neighbourhood.
- Refuse to wear eyeliner at your uncle’s funeral (if you’re a boy).
- Condemn communism!
- Pray for war!
- Join the Republican party!
- Die without having wept into your breakfast cereal in place of milk.
- Die without having setting fire to yourself at least twice.
- Die without having tried on your mothers/father’s underwear.
- Die without having picketed at least one anti-gay protest.
- Die without having proclaimed yourself as God.
Complaints can be left here.
June 18th, 2007 at 2:32 am
Hahaha. Boy Out Fall– any emo who reads this will twitch when they see that. Good stuff.
June 19th, 2007 at 10:35 pm
I did twitch, thank you very much. Evelyn, I think that you either are thinking this is hilarious (which it’s not) or actually think that your bf is in a cult of bloodsucking teens who love fluffy animals (which we’re not) am I right?
June 20th, 2007 at 1:28 am
XxDeadlyRosesxX– kill yourself.
June 20th, 2007 at 9:31 am
how funny >_
June 20th, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Kobra - I concur.
June 21st, 2007 at 12:56 pm
Sorry if that was a bit tactless, but I didn’t have anything else to say at the time.
XxDeadlyRosesxX: Nobody cares. I think that Evelyn knows what emo is and isn’t. Look at the context of the entire blog– it’s called satire. Because you presumptuous assholes take everything at face value, especially when someone questions your beliefs/practices/trendiness by pointing out the many fallacies associated with said bullshit in the first place; Evelyn will always have an abundance of writing material.
Another thing: Nobody is forcing you to read this website. If you disagree with the author: Get the fuck out. There’s a red button in the upper-right hand corner of your screen.
The window– close it. Seriously. You can either be smart and shut up or you can be a whiny attention whore and keep posting your unwanted input about the author’s taste in humor.
This isn’t XxDeadlyRosesxX’s blog– the author is clearly Evelyn. If you don’t like it, once again: GTFO.
June 24th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Kobra, look at your post. Print it and sleep with it under your pillow. Analise it word by word. Look in a dictionary and see your post as an example of the world hypocritical.
Evelyn can post what she wants. and because she placed a Leave a Reply field DeadlyRoses can reply what she wants. If she wants to look at the blog and criticize the tings written here, let her. If you want to criticize that, do your worst. But saying that she shouldn’t read this post and shouldn’t reply to it because she doesn’t like it would mean that you shouldn’t read her reply and shouldn’t reply to her reply. Which you did…
Are you getting the picture yet?
You hypocritical douche bag ^^
June 24th, 2007 at 6:01 pm
There’s a difference. I’m saying “Stop bitching” to her bitching. I’m not saying “You can’t post here,” I’m saying that your freedom of speech is best used on YOUR OWN blog.
June 24th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Ruben, before you tell him to check his post. you may want to spell check yours. Example: Your spelling”world hypocritical” proper spelling “word hypocritical”. It isn’t hard, just do it and all the people who have a grain of intelligence wont hate you for raping the English language.
June 27th, 2007 at 11:24 pm
You call her opinion ‘bitching’ and you say that she should stop bitching, so actualy you are saying that she should stop posting her opinion on the site. Which means that she could stop posting all together because what’s the point in posting if you can’t post your opinion right?
June 28th, 2007 at 1:32 am
I’m not calling her opinion itself “bitching” I’m calling the WAY she’s expressing it “bitching.” If she was calm, collective, and rational– and not bitching– I wouldn’t be saying anything except maybe, “I disagree.”
June 28th, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Kobra, I’m sorry for “bitching” but you going on like this is bitching in itself. If you want to talk to me like a calm rational person would you can e-mail me so we don’t take up the rest of Evelyn’s page. Okay? My e-mail is Rippedstar13@yahoo.com
if you have anything with a point please say it there.
June 29th, 2007 at 12:42 pm
Whoa, totally missed that post of the ‘friend’ of kobra. Yeah, You’re right, I am very ashamed. I’ll teach my spell check that the word world isn’t a real word so that when I write word and after the ‘o’ I accidentally tap the ‘l’ it will kill me. Can’t you realize that a spell check won’t pick that one out? And seriously, considering that I’m a foreigner I think I can say that my English is pretty good. And by the way: typing world instead of word isn’t ‘raping the English language’. “Omg, emos ar soooo stupd” is a better example.
June 30th, 2007 at 2:14 am
XxDeadlyRosesxX: I have just submitted your email address to every spam bot known to man.
Ruben: I actually agree with you. He said, “Spell Check” but he probably uses Microsoft Word which has an auto-Grammar-Nazi feature that people associate with spell check.
What kind of loser uses Microsoft and claims to be my friend?
June 30th, 2007 at 3:59 pm
Hmmm
I know her real email address and it isn’t a yahoo account 
Do you use Apple or Linux then?
And by the way, you just submitted a spam account to a spam bot
An for the future, I’m dyslectic, so if i fail to spot a typo, Sucks, I’ll get over it. I’m trying to make my point in English as good as I can. And as long as other’s use normal word orders and spelling I’m happy. ^^
June 30th, 2007 at 7:46 pm
No– that was a personal attack on my friend. He’s one of those would-be Linux fanatics.
July 2nd, 2007 at 1:51 pm
Oh My God. What The Fuck, Okay You Make Me Sick.
Live past the age of 27.
Die without having setting fire to yourself at least twice.
Die without having tried on your mothers/father's underwear.
Die without having picketed at least one anti-gay protest.
Die without having proclaimed yourself as God.
Die without having tried suicide at least once.
Die without having tried Prozac.
Die having actually worked a day in your life.
Die without having contemplated castration on at least 30 different occasions.
Go a day without reminding everyone around you that "We're all gonna die".
All These, And probably more are fucking retarded.
Not all emos want to kill themselves.
There is such a thing called “Posers” Heard of it?
And What are you, The fucking emo police?
you obviously don’t know as much about emos as you say.
Just cause you had an emo boyfriend-WHATEVER.
You don’t know jack-shit.
Retarded Much? Go fucking die.
Stop critizing emos. Bag the Gangsters For once.
Fucking stereo typical.
July 3rd, 2007 at 12:47 am
Sounds like someone struck a nerve. Ey, Evelyn?
July 4th, 2007 at 9:16 am
Probably yeah. But this post is so obviously bad written (can’t find the english words, I’m sorry) that it takes little sense of humor to laugh at it.
And Skittlez:
I’m mostly on your side, but try to calm down and have a intelligent discussion here please
July 4th, 2007 at 10:35 am
It’s alright. I didn’t even -TRY- reading that one.
July 5th, 2007 at 10:55 am
Yeah, way to kill the conversation Kob.
July 26th, 2007 at 10:05 am
Yes! What do I win?
July 31st, 2007 at 3:29 pm
No, I win Kobra. The emo’s always win.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:59 pm
Man!!! Kobra… that was the furthest thing from correct what you just did… You never do that to an e-mail. Submitting it to SPAM??? Fuck you!!! Dam you… why do you hold a gruge against us emo??? You probably have no life and want to fuck up sombody else too. FUCK YOU!!!
Hey XxDeadlyRosesxX, I could not agree with you any more. EMO´S ALWAYS WIN!!!
August 9th, 2007 at 6:05 am
ooooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk……………………….i surrpose. but um everybody washes themselves more then 10 times a year am sertern of it!
September 8th, 2007 at 6:05 pm
Holy crap, that was freaking hilarious.
@Em0-Sk!ttLeZ and XxDeadlyRosesxX
Is it really healthy to take a satirical piece that seriously? O-o
Of course people “criticize” emos (although people are obviously joking through overexploitation), because a lot of emos just make it too easy. And yes, people do rag on “gangsters” and whatnot, but if she does not choose to, it’s kinda moot to tell her to
October 10th, 2007 at 10:19 pm
ahahahahaaha >.> i almost pissed my fckin pants rlly >.>
October 19th, 2007 at 1:35 am
This was so bad I didnt read the whole thing.
Those are my only words besides WHOEVER WROTE THIS, GO TO HELL!!!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:36 am
Yea you heard me right
GO TO HELL DAMMIT!!!!! >.
October 19th, 2007 at 1:38 am
That got discontinued e_e
What I was saying was…
October 19th, 2007 at 1:38 am
STOP WRITING THIS SHIT PLEASE!!!!
October 19th, 2007 at 1:39 am
Now whos with me.
If you arent then dont say anything.
October 29th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
Well, first of all, the post was extremely entertaining. I see it as a pleasantly acerbic satire of emo stereotypes (excuse this crazy sentence, my vocabulary got away with me).
Second of all, many of the comments posted in reply seem to express the commenters’ anger at the emo stereotypes or anger at people who express their anger at the emo stereotypes.
To which I reply, “Um…what?” I know it is only my opinion, but I can’t see how someone would post something on the internet without the knowledge that someone else will come along and express either real or feigned anger at the post, thus starting the all-too-common “post war.”
I believe it is useless to criticize whether or not someone SHOULD post a critical comment, but we can criticize the language/manner someone uses in their post. So I say, at the risk of sounding like a parent, stop with the foul language and insults, and say what you have to say regardless of disagreement.
If anyone is wondering why I feel the need to state my principles on a web site in an overly-wordy manner, blame it on the lit class I just left.
November 12th, 2007 at 12:33 pm
For the blog author: This post was so fucking hilarious. Even more so is the coven [I believe that is the correct collective noun] of uptight emo kids who have come here to raise hell. Raise a few suspicions, more like.
For the emo flamers: You just go, girlfriends! Hell, at least you’re embracing your dormant communication skills this way and what’s more, it is definately more pro-active than slashing your wrists to Panic At The Disco!, right?
Remember kids - it’s satire, not the third reich although delousing and incineration may be a good option for when some people can’t take a joke.
November 18th, 2007 at 3:39 am
That was great. I almost burst something laughing. Crazy emos.
August 1st, 2008 at 9:13 pm
Normally I’d be pissed off..But this is actually kinda funny.
Luckily, there are emos out there who break these stereotypes. So HAH.
September 14th, 2008 at 10:18 pm
i will only wear black until they invent something darker.
boohoo.
September 20th, 2008 at 2:18 am
God, The SATIRE is hilarious. Anyone who is offended probably lives by those commandments.
September 20th, 2008 at 4:37 am
hey kobra? um is the owner of this blog an EMO or ANTI-EMO? sounds like a protester…//_u
September 22nd, 2008 at 9:51 pm
WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU ?!
this is judging “emo people”
were not all like that!
this is judging a book by the cover.
some of us actually have problems so go fuck urself and stop screwing with us “EMO KIDS”
September 23rd, 2008 at 8:19 am
on no13 its Fall Out Boy not Boy Fall Out Geez Ur a Fuckin Retard
October 8th, 2008 at 4:01 pm
Emo’s are gay.
October 13th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Kobra: damn i know this is a bit late, but im thinking maybe Evelyn should do satirical page bout all the preppy fags (like you), that care to much bout their looks than anything else in the world. first “sin”:
1. go a day without jacking off to yourself in a mirror.
November 2nd, 2008 at 11:19 pm
y do u ave to hate emos????????
i dnt get it u ave no reason 4 hatin us we do nothing 2 u nd we’re not all lik dat also uve never fuckin met us so u ave no ryt 2 judge us
so FUCK U KOBRA
November 5th, 2008 at 6:36 pm
Why Do Yuhh Have To Diss Emoz?
Whats Wrong With Being Emo, They Are Still F****** Humanz For The Love Of God. Dont Treat ‘Em Any Diffrent Then The Way Yuhh Treat Yurr Friendz.
Yurr Wasting Yurr Time Making This Site Tbh. How Wud Yuhh Like It If Someone Made A Site Saying Meen Stuff About Yuhh?!?
Anyway.
Dont Hate.
November 6th, 2008 at 2:42 pm
emu gurl says
i hate being alive still
i agree with all rules
November 8th, 2008 at 9:52 pm
I love emos. You kidds are so mean
I used to be emo myself but now I am a kandi-raver.
Not all emos are depressed, I have a lot of real emo friends that are silly and happy.
For the love of Gee, don’t hate, leave a little PLURR.
xo,sparkey <3
November 12th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
i luv these rules
November 15th, 2008 at 8:07 am
fuck u!!!boy out fall!!!wth!!!WHERE DID YOU GET THAT NAME SUCCKKKAAAA!!!!!!!!!UR CREATING UR OWN MOTHUFUCKIN BAND!
November 16th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
well u reali sudent