Was Jesus A Gay Emo Who Cross Dressed And Prayed To Satan?
The evidence is mounting that our Lord Jesus Christ was an Emo who spent most of His days slapping himself around the head with a piece of wood. Christ who is often depicted in the west as being white, 6 foot 5 and a member of the Republican party in fact wore makeup and loved wearing his mother Mary’s clothes.
These stunning revelations have come a day after Bill O’Reilly announced that he was abandoning Catholicism and becoming an Atheist after speculating for months that Christ was in his own words “one of those closet emo fags”.
Christ the Emo pictured above is rumoured to have spent most of his days in a cave weeping and painting his manhood with pink lipstick. His father Joseph was so disappointed that his Son was “one of those queers” that he forced Jesus into carpentry. Christ who was as lousy at woodcrafts as he was at running away from people wielding a cross, only lasted a month in his job before he retired to his cave for 12 years. During this period he apparently befriended a stray talking dog called “Stalin” who taught him all he knew about ethics and morality.
Emos across the World can bask in the knowledge that there are as righteous like Christ and that there is no sin in drinking 6 bottles of Wine per night. In fact if you’re a teetotaller you are a sin head who deserved to be locked in Hell for a few billion years.
August 7th, 2008 at 12:10 am
“Stallin” only has one ‘l’.
Nice post! :o)
August 18th, 2008 at 12:01 am
This is WRONG!!!!
Emo is NOT bad!
You people need to understand that!
We don`t care what yuo say so STOP wasting your breath!
October 14th, 2008 at 3:38 am
Hey! I’m a christian emo! Thats total crap what u said! Shut up! U don’t even know what emo is u stupid poser!
October 28th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
u have no idea what emo is…im a true christian and im also emo…just because i dress the way i feel like it doesnt mean im totally against God…whoever is dumb enough to make this site needs to get their facts straight….and u cant hate all of the emo population…what if your best friend decided to be emo? would you then hate them?
October 28th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
thats bull shit what you wrote about God…go get a life and get rid of this site
November 15th, 2008 at 7:51 am
hey stop doing this! being Emo is not bad! we also trust in god, its just that we are so sensitive and so depressed because of our problems! ur so pathetic, u even use god just for your stupid blog!!! get a life!
November 26th, 2008 at 5:07 am
you dum mf-ers..omg this is sooo stupid and wrong!..plus “Stallin” only has one 'l'..get a life already u pathetic idiots!!
January 20th, 2009 at 7:56 am
“its just that we are so sensitive and so depressed because of our problems!”
What problems? Your straighteners broke? Too many split-ends? Saw a dead bird?
Fuck off you self-centred twats.
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:38 am
HAHAHAHA!!!! Christian emo… There’s no such thing hahahahahaha lol… Posers…
February 1st, 2009 at 11:45 am
This is so not true…
I happen to be EMO and Christian… EMO is not bad at all… So just SHUT UP, GET A LIFE, and WRITE SOMETHING THAT ACTUALLY IS TRUE BECAUSE THIS ARTICLE IS A PIECE OF CRAP! And you know… Jesus would still love you even if you wrote that… But I just can’t stand it when people write stupid things like this or disrespect God…
I pity your soul…
February 17th, 2009 at 10:39 pm
WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!!!! GET A LIFE!!!!
February 19th, 2009 at 10:41 am
this is plain blasphemy…totally unacceptable. this guys doesnt know shit about emo’s and the sad thing is that some fat asses are gonna buy this shit! im emo and proud. i am not a christian but mocking christ like that was just evil you piece of shit
February 20th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
I love emo boys. They have transcended the limits of social prejudice. They are free to show their emotions .. even to kiss each other. Do you know how difficult that is in this culture? It takes great courage to show intimate love to another guy. That’s beautiful. God bless them! I know I do.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:33 am
First of all god or jesus wasn’t Emo so get over that okay. Second he doesn’t hate anyone including satin he just gets ashamed of us. And not all emo’s are atheist like you can be the way you are but still believe in what you want.Also Emo is just emotion it slightly has to do with cutting your self and stuff that is called CLINCAL DEPRESSION!!
and emo is just a term yes they are emo boys are hot lol but anyways this is not right you can’t just say who God and Jesus are okay! because no one really knows who they are all we know it that we will meet them someday..well some of us and yes IM A PROUD CHRISTIAN and if you have a problem with it then idc because that’s your problem.
February 26th, 2009 at 4:36 am
Also he wasn’t gay..if you would actually py attention to the bible God and Jesus despise of gay/lesbians but again doesn’t hate he just knows that isn’t right
personally idc i don’t think it’s wrong or right i think it’s the persons choice
May 7th, 2009 at 1:27 am
omg..emo is not bad.they are just sensative.but emos have no reason to be depressed.and if you were emo and christian and depressed.you would go to god and be happy and live life.i realy get annoyed when emos complain about how depressed they are.but im not against emos.emos are just emotional and sensetive.FOR HEAVEN SAKE MY GRANDMA IS EMO!she is sensetive and emotional.i agree with the my chemical roMANCE THING.SOME OF THEIR SONGS ARE REALY DEATHFULL.BUT SOME OF THERE SONGS ARE REALY CHRISTIAN AND ACTUALY HAVE HOPE.FOR YOU EMOS!ONE OF THEIR SONGS SAY IM NOT AFRAID TO KEEP ON LIVING!SO EMOS STOP COMPLAINING.AND THE PERSON WHO POSTED THIS IS NOT THAT SMART IF YOU DONT AGREE WITH ME MAIL ME AT destinlovessandy@gmail.com
thank you.
May 13th, 2009 at 3:44 pm
What you have said is absolutely true?Al emos should b hacked to death or put on a cross and tortured 2 death like jesus!Al the fuckfaces moaning here 4 the emos are emos!So fuck u
May 21st, 2009 at 11:34 am
Hahahahaha, if only those emos would know how lame their moaning is.
Aside from that, as far as I know, Jesus was, in fact, a zombie (I mean, he did rise from the dead, so…) and the first emo (or at least the first emo that everyone knew of) was Hitler. He had the typical emo haircut and starting a world war can be explained as a way to ged rid of his depression. This may also be one of the reasons why I’ve never really liked emos.