What Reasons Would A Kid Have To Be Emo?
This is one of the most common questions I’m asked by visitors to this site. The answer isn’t a simple one. There are millions of potential mini-answers that must be considered together for them to make sense.
- The kid may be extraordinary dim. The emo scene attracts dim teenagers towards it like bugs towards a light. If you suspect your kid is a dunce, do your utmost to keep him away from other emos. Teach him how to smile properly. That’ll often work wonders.
- He may well have crapped or pissed his pants at school a lot as a kid. Stuff like that can seriously impact a kids self esteem making them feel worthless and resorting to the emo way of life. If you suspect this is the cause, the next time you see the kid, jump out at the kid from behind a bush and scream “I know your dirty little secret!” before running to the hills.
- If your kid is emo, he could well be a devil worshipper. Emo is satanic in all of its forms. It’s been proven by many top colleges that My Chemical Romance records in particular are jammed pack full of Satanic messages, which will only encourage the child to turn away from Jesus and to move to Ireland. Once on the Emerald Isle he’ll join the nearest Satanic sect and will begin to urinate on churches. The only way to prevent this is a proactive exorcism. If you ring Franklin Graham’s people I’m sure they’ll be more than happy to oblige with the procedure.
- The kid may just be a dick. The planet is full of dicks, so it’s entirely plausible that this is the answer. It’s a well known fact that all Fall Out Boy fans are dicks. Any non-dicks are refused entry to their concerts.
- Perhaps he’s not being fed enough. Some emos have this ridiculous idea that they are vegetarian. It’s absolute bullcrap. If this emo is living under your house you must force him into carnivorism. Take him into McDonalds and buy him 2 Big Macs and threaten to lock him in the toilets if he refuses to finish both of the burgers by the time you are back.
